High School You

What do you wish you would have known in high school? 

I’m watching my daughter finish her senior year of high school and it’s leading me to reflect on my own high school years. High school is such an interesting chapter of life where we are expected to untangle the threads of who we are, and at the same time, decide what we want to become. For some people, high school represents the best years of their life and for others, the worst. For most of us, it’s likely a combination of fun moments and hard moments. 

To jog your memory, here are just a few of the things that happens in our high school years: experiencing our first romantic relationships, feeling the searing pain of break-ups, changing friend groups, feeling alone in a sea of teenagers, being uncomfortable in our changing bodies, struggling with academic pressures, learning to drive, freedom from parents, taking risks, getting caught, learning from mistakes, and riding the emotional waves of teen life. Those four years of being human contain a lot of big moments that shape us into the adults we will become. 

Yesterday, I asked about 30 people (in a class and clients) what they would tell their high school selves and here are some things I heard:

• Speak your truth and stand up for yourself. 

• Other people’s problems aren’t yours to fix.

• Dating is optional, not a required part of high-school.

• Care for yourself as much as you care for everyone else. 

• Stop worrying about what people think of you.

• Don’t do all the work to keep a friend, if they aren’t trying too, then let them go and find someone who will come through for you.

• God isn’t mad at you all the time like you were taught, you aren’t destined for hell.

• Continue to develop yourself and find hobbies and things that bring you joy.

• Your family members should be going to therapy, it’s not all your fault. 

• Most of the cool kids are assholes. 

• Know the type of dating partner you deserve and don’t settle for less. 

• Hold your head high because life is going to turn out better than you can imagine.

• It’s okay to make mistakes, that’s how you learn and grow.

• High school is a tiny part of your life, but right now it feels like it is the entirety of your life. 

• Identify what you want and figure out a way to get it for yourself. 

• Don’t be someone’s high school bully memory.

• You will feel completely alone at times, but you won’t be alone forever. 

• High school is a time when we take on a lot of shame and defeat from others, don’t let shame become a permanent voice in your brain. 

• Friendships will change often, it’s normal.

• Be nice to the quirky kids, you may need them to hire you someday. 

• Have grace for yourself, you are trying to do your best. 

• You will disappoint people and that’s okay. 

• Take time to discover who you are and who God is to you, not just buy in to what people say you are and who they say God is. 

• You don’t have to make everyone’s life easy to be liked. 

• Remember that you can do hard things - push yourself a little more and don’t play too small.

• Follow the path of things you love and let that turn into your vocation.

• It is okay to do something that doesn’t make sense to anyone else. 

• If you want something enough, you will find a way to make the money to afford it. 

• It is okay to take a risk, it is okay to fail, you don’t have to be perfect.

• Science is hard, you just need a little more support, but stick with it because you will be a science teacher in your own high school someday. 

• It is okay to have a different opinion from someone, that doesn’t mean you are wrong.

• People aren’t thinking about you as much as you think they are. 

• Trust yourself more.

• There is a whole big world out there and there is so much more ahead for you. 

• You don’t have to keep proving yourself, you are inherently worthy just as you are. 

When you reflect on your own high school experience, what wisdom do you wish you would have had? This can be a helpful exercise in honoring the hard and beautiful moments in your teen years as well as helping you be intentional about what want to share with your children or grandchildren.

You can make this a two-way conversation by giving advice to your high school self and then ask that young person what they would have you know at the age you are today. If you like journaling, do this on paper. If you like taking walks, go on a walk with an imaginary you from high school and chat. If you like to have deep conversations, use this idea as a prompt to have a conversation with family or friends. 

Sending love to you today and to the high schooler inside you,