Next Time

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When you make a mistake, does it take you a long time to get over it?

Handling mistakes is something many of us struggle with. Some of us have a secret policy with ourselves that no mistakes are allowed. Ever. That sounds unreasonable as we read it today, but I’m sure many of you have lived life trying to minimize mistakes as much as possible. 

  • Unsavory decisions

  • Saying the wrong thing

  • Selecting the erroneous choice 

  • Pushing the envelope and getting caught

  • Ethical wanderings

  • Breaking something

  • Crushing someone 

  • Rushing mishaps 

  • Not listening to your intuition

Making mistakes is part of being human. It is how we learn and grow. Painful consequences are often the only impetus that leads us to change our behaviors. 

Mistakes aren’t the problem - not learning from them is the problem.

When you make a mistake, try asking yourself, “what will you do differently next time?” This simple question flips your brain out of a critical loop and into hope that the future can be better than this current moment. It helps your brain learn from the mistake and feel hopeful in not repeating it again. 

I broke a plate in our kitchen recently. Historically, mistakes would send me into a shame spiral - I can’t do anything right, I mess everything up, I’m stupid, etc. However, as I cleaned up the broken pieces, I tried the idea of “next time.” I paused and asked with self-compassion, “how can you avoid this from happening next time?” The answer that came to me was: move more slowly, stop rushing, pay attention to the moment in front of you. It felt like my brain was relieved and I thought, “okay, I can do all of those things next time to avoid the broken plate.” I noticed there wasn’t a shame spiral happening, my brain registered that it was just a broken plate, not an exaggerated inner story of tragic mistake. 

Mistakes become learning experiences when we think about how to do it differently next time.

The only thing we have to do is ask ourselves, “What will you do differently next time?” At the next event, in the next conversation, in the next relationship, with the next job, on the next vacation, in the next house, or when I see that person next.

We will make mistakes in life, but the more we review them with self-compassion and learn from them, the more equipped we are to do better next time.

Cleaning up the pieces with you,