Making Mistakes
/How comfortable are you with making mistakes?
How about when other people make mistakes?
Most of us are not comfortable at all with making mistakes. And we don't like it when others make mistakes either.
In working with clients, I have found that how we handle mistakes is something most of us need to spend some time exploring to become kinder to ourselves and others. Here are some questions to start your inquiry:
Are mistakes allowed in my life?
How do I feel in the moment when I realize I made a mistake?
What are my behaviors after making a mistake? (do I lie, blame, take responsibility, quickly correct, reflect)
Do I feel differently with small mistakes versus large mistakes? What about private versus public mistakes?
What does it mean when I make a mistake - does it say something about me as a person?
When someone else makes a mistake - is it no big deal or a very big deal to me? How do I behave in that moment?
Do I expect perfection from myself and others?
Of course, we all try to avoid making mistakes. But, I have found most people I talk to have an inner secret policy of “no mistakes allowed…ever.” That means when they do make a mistake, as we all inevitably do, their inner critic destroys them with verbal inner abuse.
You might have grown up in an environment where there was a lot of blame and punishment for mistakes, so of course you are afraid to risk that horrible feeling again. But, now as an adult you get to choose how you handle mistakes.
It is hard to show other people grace when we can’t do it for ourselves.
Maybe it is time for some permission to make mistakes.
What would it feel like if mistakes were allowed in your life? Could you breathe a little easier, maybe your jaw would be less clinched, or your shoulders might relax a notch?
Would you do things that you are afraid to do if you now allowed yourself room for error? Like start a business, or create art, or attend more social events?
What about the great learning that has come to you through the mistakes you have made? Are you grateful for some of those now? What have you learned from the mistakes you have made?
How did past mistakes uniquely prepare you for where you are today?
Maybe it isn’t so bad to mess up once in a while. Allow yourself to be a student in human school who is learning by getting it wrong sometimes.
In an interview with Inc. Magazine, Sara Blakely who founded Spanx, discussed growing up with a father who celebrated mistakes. She shared that, as a child, her father would meet with her once a week and ask her this question: “What did you fail at this week?"
She describes that he didn’t want to know how many A’s, soccer goals, or accomplishments she made. He wanted to know the mistakes. She shared that after telling him of her failures, he would high-five her and smile with pride.
Blakely said, "I didn't realize at the time how much this advice would define not only my future, but my definition of failure. I have realized as an entrepreneur that so many people don't pursue their idea because they were scared or afraid of what could happen. My dad taught me that failing simply just leads you to the next great thing."
According to Inc. Magazine, Sara is "the youngest self-made woman billionaire in the world."
Spend some time this week considering your philosophies around making mistakes. Explore how we each might loosen our grip on high expectations of ourselves and of others.
Let’s make the world a little kinder together,
