Are you tired of performing?

Does hiding from the world appeal to you right now?

I was talking to a client last week who said she loved being in bed sick with a virus because then she didn’t have to go to work and could cancel all of her evening events. I’ve heard teenagers say similar things. And, many other adults too. 

When being sick is better than your daily life, it is a message that something is off track. 

I understood what that client was feeling and I remember coming to that same realization during a snow day years ago. I absolutely loved it when the city shut down and I couldn’t go anywhere. My daily life was too stressful and the snow day felt like a gift of relief. Some of us felt this in the early days of the covid quarantine too. Lock down was permission to stay home and do nothing. 

If you want to escape from daily life, I theorize that you might be exhausted from performing for the world. 

Performing means you are reading the room to sense the feelings of others, giving people what they want to hear, acting as if everything is okay when you are hurting on the inside, lying to protect something or someone, being fake, acting like you know the answer when you really don’t, covering up how you truly feel, and may other forms of pressure to perform in the moment.

Performing is exhausting. 

Yet most of us find ourselves performing in all aspects of our lives. We are taught to perform at a young age. Smile at the nice lady, say “I love it” when you open a gift, don’t let them see you cry, when they hurt you just let it go, don’t show your emotions on the field, kiss up to the teacher, go to the event when you don’t want to, be nice to the mean girl, act like you are fine when your heart is breaking, tell them it doesn’t bother you even when it does, act happy when you are dying on the inside.

Social norms require us to perform. And the primal part of our brain fears that we will be kicked out of the tribe if we don’t. We share that part of our brain with our earliest human ancestors who would literally die out in the desert alone if they were kicked out of the tribe. Though our brains have evolved over thousands of years, we still have that primal need to belong. Performing usually punches our ticket of belonging….at least in the short term, but isn’t sustainable.

If we push down how we really feel over a long period of time, eventually we will explode like a volcano. 

The volcano may come in the form of a public outburst because you can’t take it any longer, or it may be in a diagnosis because you made yourself sick with stifled emotions, or maybe it blows up a relationship because you unleash the truth you’ve been hiding. 

Many young people tell me they use drinking as a way to numb the pain of performing. When drinking, they become less inhibited, less filtered, more authentic, more free. Substances that alter our brain become a crutch of confidence to be our true selves and say what we really feel. But, let’s avoid the hangover and do it without alcohol. 

What if we could be our true selves and fell safe to tell the truth?

Explore this a bit this week. Have a conversation with those you trust. Is it safe in your relationships to tell the truth? Are you allowed to share how you really feel? Is there permission for you to have struggles or do you need always be happy and make everything look easy? Can you be authentic at work and school, or is everything you say filtered and carefully said? 

If you stopped performing, would it get messy at school, work, or home? Would people be uncomfortable with you telling the truth and speaking up about pain? Will you disappoint someone? Will you not meet the requirements to stay in the tribe?

But, if you keep performing and being what everyone wants you to be, do you deny yourself? Do you betray your own truth? Do you disappoint you over and over again? Are the feelings of others more important than your feelings? Do you drown yourself to keep others above water?

Find environments and people that invite you to be who you really are and love the real you.

There are certainly times where we have to perform and stay within the lines of social norms. But, are there areas of life or people with whom you could let your guard down? Find those people and spend more time with them. Be with people who are easy to be with. Go toward people who make your nervous system feel calm. 

Be real as much as you can be. Tell the truth. Live with integrity. 

The world needs more loving authentic people like you showing up right now. And you will have more energy for fun. And if you have more fun, you contribute positive energy to the world.

Instead of performing, let’s go for thriving.

Then you don’t need a snow day, virus, or quarantine to escape life. You might actually love your life if you get to really live it.