Whole-ness
/A client asked recently, “What does it mean to be whole? I keep seeing things on feeling whole, becoming whole, and living whole, but what the hell does that really mean?!?!”
I smiled at the way she asked the question because I could relate to the wondering: what does “whole” really mean?
My response was, “I don’t have a quick answer, but let’s explore that together…” It led to a really great conversation in which we both realized we get to define for ourselves what whole means to each of us.
To her, she realized she actually did know what it meant, it is her way of being when she feels fulfilled by the life she is living. To me, I realized that I feel whole when I feel loved for who I am, I’m living in alignment with my purpose, and I’m not making decisions from a place of fear.
We both laughed that we had some work to do on this. And that maybe there isn’t a finish line for wholeness; instead we have to constantly come back to it, check in, then make some adjustments.
What does feeling “whole” mean to you?
Take some time to think about that this week. And discuss it with loved ones.
Rabbi Harold Kushner offers a teaching that spoke to me on this topic and it might resonate you with you too:
Maybe we are more whole when we are incomplete, when we are missing something. The man who has everything is in some ways a poor man. He will never know what it feels like to yearn, to hope, to nourish his soul with the dream of something better. He will never know the experience of having someone who loves him give him something he has always wanted and never had.
There is a wholeness about the person who can give himself away, who can give his time, his money, his strength, to others and not feel diminished when he does so. There is a wholeness about the person who has come to terms with his limitations, who knows who he is and what he can and cannot do, the person who has been brave enough to let go of his unrealistic dreams and not feel like a failure for doing so. There is a wholeness about the man or woman who has leaned that he or she is strong enough to go through a tragedy and survive, the person who can lose someone through death, through divorce, through estrangement, and still feel like a complete person and not just part of a broken couple. At that point, nothing can scare you. You have been through the worst and come through it whole…
To be whole before God means to stand before Him with all of our faults as well as all of our virtues, and to hear the message of our acceptability. To be whole means to rise beyond the need to pretend that we are perfect, to rise above the fear that we will be rejected for not being perfect. And it means having the integrity not to let the inevitable moments of weakness and selfishness become permanent parts of our character. Know what is good and what is evil, and when you do wrong, realize that that was not the essential you. It was because the challenge of being human is so great that no one gets it right every time. God asks no more of us than that.
From How Good Do We Have To Be? By Rabbi Harold S. Kushner
When do you feel the most whole?
Where are you?
Who are you with?
What are you doing or not doing?
What might need adjusting for you to move toward wholeness?
When we feel whole, we bring love into the room.
More love,
Remember if you live in KC, join me this Thursday night for a book celebration party! Because you read these each week, I write. And those writings turned into a book. You deserve this celebration too, come celebrate! No need to rsvp, but you find details here.