Triggers
/Do you ever have a strong reaction to someone's behavior and you are surprised by how deeply it affected you? Likely their behavior hit upon one of your triggers.
Triggers are points of internal emotional stress. People sometimes bump up against our stress points and we are surprised by how much it hurts. Think of it as a cut on your finger and while cooking you spill lemon juice on the wound. It stings. You are suddenly reminded that the cut is there, Triggers are things we might not think about often, but when someone hits us there, it really hurts.
Triggers remind us there is still some healing needed in that area.
Our triggers are signs that we are experiencing the past in the present moment. They indicate areas of pain that are still raw for us. Many times they are related to areas of past trauma, deep hurt, shame, or judgment. They are unhealed emotional wounds that are still tender to the touch.
Is there an area where you feel extra defensive or easily offended? Does someone do a certain thing that they think is benign but really upsets you? Does something really get to you and you aren't sure why? What makes your blood boil and you feel like a bomb is exploding in your brain? Is there an insult or criticism that hurts you deeper than others? What makes you angry in the moment and then later it feels like an overreaction as you reflect on it? These are all different ways people might describe a trigger moment.
It feels like we are angry when we are triggered, but often underneath our anger is pain.
A trigger signals our nervous system to sound the alarms that we are in emotional danger or something feels threatening to us.
Here are some common triggers in our lives:
being judged or criticized
feeling excluded or forgotten
someone repeatedly correcting you
feeling taken advantage of
being ignored or interrupted
noticing you are being manipulated
someone trying to control you
when your boundaries are ignored
being belittled or dismissed
someone treating you with disregard or disrespect
It is natural to feel emotionally threatened by these kinds of behaviors. They hurt. None of these things feel good. We all have different tolerance levels for these behaviors. If you have been subjected to these repeatedly, you are more likely to be emotionally triggered when they occur.
Triggers are an invitation to look inside yourself a little deeper. Try to see your triggered moments as a message that this tender part of you needs extra compassion and love.
Many times, our triggers are open wounds from our past that were never tended to. If you were often manipulated as a child, then another adult manipulating you today brings up that old pain. If you were a child who was often interrupted, then today as a parent you might snap angrily at your child when they interrupt you.
It is important work for us each to understand our triggers and bring some healing to that part of us. Hurt people hurt people. If we can tend to our own wounds, we are less likely to inflict pain upon someone else.
Next time you notice that you feel triggered emotionally, try this self-compassion practice:
place your hand on your heart and say to yourself, "[your own name], you are triggered right now by [the person/words/behaviors/setting], you are safe, I am with you, this is coming up now to be healed, let's send love to the wound, remember that you are loved, lovable, and loving,"
Be gentle with yourselves this week and with everyone you encounter. We are all walking around with tender areas from past pain.
Give yourself the healing love and kindness you have longed for.
May you know peace and may you feel loved,
Ginger