Can I trust them?

Can I trust you?

This is a question that many of us walk around thinking. Can I trust that friend, spouse, child, sibling, parent, coworker, neighbor? Will they betray me? Will they leave me? Will they steal my idea? Will they hurt me? Will they shut me out? Will they abandon me?

Next time you are wondering if you can trust someone, try asking yourself the question: 

Can I trust me?

Can I trust myself to handle this no matter how it turns out? Can I survive if this person betrays me? Can I rebuild a life if I lose them? Can I find a way forward if they make a bad decision? Can I trust myself to take care of me and support myself through the storm that the other person creates for me? 

When we place our happiness on someone doing exactly what I want them to do, it is a fragile foundation. When we place our happiness on someone never making a mistake, we set ourselves up for a fall.

We cannot control the decisions of others, so if I am counting on you to never hurt me, my brain is going to be very afraid that you might hurt me. I’m going to spend so much time feeling paranoid that I will likely push you away by asking you questions that between the lines say, “I’m not sure I can trust you.” 

The antidote to worrying about trusting someone else, is to trust ourselves: 

I’ll be okay, no matter what you do. Therein lies our ultimate freedom. 

When we trust ourselves, we aren’t as afraid of what the other person is doing. When I am responsible for my own wellbeing, I don’t need you to be perfect. I can actually feel more secure around you when I work on developing my own self-trust muscles.

There is a whole section in my book of tools for building self-trust, but for this week, begin to work on: counting on yourself to take care of yourself no matter what happens. Talk to yourself like you have your own back this week. Be on Team You. Reassure yourself that no matter what happens you are in it with yourself and you won’t turn on yourself with harsh criticism. 

Repeat to yourself: No matter what that other person does, I can weather the storm and take care of myself. I will figure out my way forward. I won’t abandon myself. 

Trust is a hard topic in Human School. Start with trusting yourself first.

I’m on Team You!