Second Person Self-Talk
/Let’s start with a quick grammar review:
An example of First Person Point of View: I am writing this email. I hope you will read it. I hope it helps you learn something new.
Second Person POV: You (Ginger) are writing this email. You hope people will read it. You hope it helps them learn something new.
Third Person POV: Ginger is writing this email. She hopes people will read it. Ginger hopes it helps her readers learn something new.
Okay, now that we have that refresher…let’s apply this to affirmations.
We often hear affirmations written as “I am smart. I am kind. I am lovable.” But, some of us struggle to believe those statements about ourselves. Or, maybe we want to believe it but our inner critic jumps in with evidence to the contrary.
Now try saying those same affirmations above like this: “You are smart. You are kind. You are lovable.”
Can you feel the difference? Let’s go a little further and say them out-loud. I know this feels weird, but try it.
When you speak to yourself in second person out-loud, it feels like it comes from somewhere separate from you - as if someone with authority is telling you these things.
It feels more valid, more real, more believable.
The University of Wisconsin, University of Michigan, and Bangor University all have academic studies published citing the power of coaching yourself out-loud in second person and have found that it increases memory retention, increases cognitive function, releases helpful neurotransmitters like dopamine and oxytocin, and even increases accuracy in athletes shooting baskets. Next time you are shooting baskets, playing golf, or pickle ball, provide commentary on your shots out-loud and see if you notice a difference! People might think you are nuts, but it is said that Einstein often talked out-loud to himself in his lab, so there!
I have found this practice to be so helpful in learning to show myself compassion and trust myself. It has also helped my clients who are grieving, struggle to forgive themselves, live with regrets, and feel stuck, lonely, or hopeless. It is a great brain management tool to get out of a rut and feel better.
Coach yourself in a loving way. Speak to yourself as kindly as you speak to others.
Here are some ideas of things you can say to yourself to get started: You’ve got this. You are doing better than you think you are. You have the inner strength to get through this. You have permission to be sad today. You are smart, trust yourself. You don’t have to perform. You can play and be silly. You are good at this. You can take a break. You don’t have to keep everyone happy. You are enough. You are allowed to step away from that group. You can do this hard thing. You are safe here. You aren’t alone. You have people who want to help you. You are going to be okay. You are loved.
It’s all true.
Much love,