Don't Abandon Yourself
/When things feel unsteady in our external world, it is an invitation to go inward. This is a good time to double down on your spiritual practices, spend more time connecting with your soul, and gain clarity about your innermost values.
When we become obsessed with external events and opinions, or we shape-shift to become what someone else wants, we abandon ourselves.
To abandon yourself is to disconnect from your inner being—your authentic needs, desires, emotions, and values.
It often shows up in these ways:
Ignoring your intuition - getting a gut feeling about someone or something but overriding it with self-doubt or overthinking
Sanitizing your feelings - feeling sad, mad, or angry but cleaning it up to appear differently than you actually feel
Bending to fit in - following the herd because it feels safer than using your own voice and values
Saying yes when you mean no - agreeing to things you don’t really want to do, but feel too uncomfortable with saying how you really feel
Shoulding on yourself - instead of honoring what you want, you make the choice society, peers, or family would want you to make
Putting yourself at the bottom of your list - making sure everyone else has what they need, but neglecting what you need
I have a history of abandoning myself, but I called it being nice. I chose careers because people told me what I should be and I played nice and followed their suggestions. I stayed in relationships because I was too nice to tell the truth about how I felt. I said yes to things I didn’t want to do, because saying yes is what nice people do. I let people treat me badly because being nice meant avoiding conflict. This led to becoming a very nice but lost woman in an existential crisis with an autoimmune disease. I had abandoned myself for too long and my body started screaming. I shifted careers, relationships, started telling the truth even when people didn’t want to hear it, and now I help people stop abandoning themselves as a profession.
I’m watching my daughter model to me what it looks like to not abandon yourself at a young age. She is currently auditioning for musical theater and acting programs in colleges around the country. It is a grueling process and yet, she isn’t abandoning herself. She has a dream and she’s helping herself take action toward that dream. It would be very easy and tempting to play it safe by selecting a major you don’t have to audition for, but she isn’t going to let herself down. She is dedicated to honoring her own soul. She can look in the mirror and know she isn’t settling for less. I think she will look back on this challenging time and know she honored herself and her desires. What a great gift to give your own soul.
How do we do this in our own lives, no matter what chapter of life we are in:
Listen to our inner voice - Constantly tune in to our own soul: what do I love, what do I feel, what do I want, where am I headed, how will I help myself get there, who can I count on, what is mine to do, what is my truth
Unconditionally love our selves - base our self-love on who we are at our core, not what we do or how we perform
Follow our light - do more of what lights us up then we shine a brighter light for others
Protect our energy - be selective about what we say yes and no to, spend time with people who energize not drain
Celebrate progress - do things that make us proud of ourselves not disappointed in ourselves, rise up to being the person you long to be, celebrate the small wins along the way
There are a lot of challenges, setbacks, tragedies, power structures, and losses that can make us feel alone in the world. If we abandon ourselves in those challenges, we feel even more alone.
You are your greatest companion in life. Treat yourself with the love and kindness you so freely give to others. The world needs the fullness of you—not the version that feels stuck, empty, and abandoned, but the one who is whole, radiant, and deeply connected.
If you feel loved and whole, you in turn help others feel loved and whole. More of us feeling loved and whole moves the needle toward every human thriving. That’s how love wins.
To not abandoning ourselves any longer,
