Watch Your Movie

I love movies. This year's Oscar winner for Best Picture is the movie CODA. It is one I hope you have seen or will soon. CODA is an acronym for Children of Deaf Adults. The movie is the story of Ruby, who is the only member of her family with the ability to hear. In the movie we watch Ruby make a hard choice and we understand the complexity of her decision-making. As a viewer, we root for Ruby and feel love for the whole family. We watch with compassion as the family members navigate each of their fears and desires. 

Watching CODA reminded me of a practice I have used in my own life and a tool I teach to my clients. It is a tool that can help us depersonalize events in our lives and observe ourselves through a compassionate lens. This is a helpful practice in overcoming regret, guilt, and shame in the way you have historically viewed your own decisions or life events.

This week, I invite you to explore watching your own life as a movie. 

Look back at the decisions you made throughout your life - watch them as if you were watching the main character of a great movie. Root for her. Have compassion for him. Watch yourself with admiration for the strength that went into every decision you made. Understand why she did what she did. See him as a young person who was finding his way and didn't know then what he knows now. 

Select a scene that you may have filed away as a "mistake" in your life. If this was a character in a movie, would you have a broader perspective on what happened? Would you see additional sides to the story? Are you more likely to consider the influence others played in your decision? Would you understand the circumstances and have more compassion for the character than you do for yourself?

When I think of my own tough decisions in life, I don't always have that same level of compassion for myself that I have for characters I love in movies. Watching my own movie with compassion has helped me observe my inner strength, see my loving heart, and forgive myself for the times I felt like I messed up or should have known better.

When we watch a great movie, we might cringe when we see someone we are rooting for make a bad decision. But, we can also see why she is doing what she is doing. We can observe her from afar. We can see the bigger picture. Can you do this for yourself? Can the story you filed as a "mistake" be told in a different way? Might it have led to a lesson or growth that then led to something great? Might it have not been completely your fault? Might there be more to the story? Can you view the scene now with compassion rather than judgment?

This can be a liberating practice to return to periodically. When a memory comes up that triggers a feeling of shame or self-blame, see if you can watch that scene and see it differently this time. You can also use this as a tool to help in your decision-making for the future - zooming out and observing yourself from afar can bring great clarity.

Seeing yourself as the amazing soul that you are having a human experience with foibles and growth can be a powerful tool in seeing yourself with compassion. And as my faithful readers, you know that when we can see ourselves with compassion, we begin to see everyone else that way too.

Extra butter on the popcorn?

Much love,
Ginger