Perfect vs. Good

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This one requires paper and pen today. We are exploring the roles we play and our expectations of ourselves within each one. 

Make a list of all the roles you play in life right now - and leave some space under each role title so that you can make a list under it. When I did this exercise for a class yesterday, I laid mine out on standard paper three across the top and three across mid-sheet, so six fit on a page, with space under each one. And you likely have more than six roles, so grab another sheet or two You will likely keep adding to it this week as you notice more things you do. 

Consider roles you play in your family, work, school, volunteering, friendships, owning pets, home management and maintenance, taking care of the stuff you own, clubs, hobbies, groups, caretaking, advising, mentoring, etc. 

Under each role, list the things you feel you should do to be perfect at this role. Really tune in to what is expected if you are to call yourself great, excellent, successful, or amazing at this role. Do this for each role. 

Now pause and look at what is expected of you - typically this is mostly what you expect of you, but it also includes what society and others expect of us too. 

It is a lot, isn't it? No wonder you are exhausted and feeling 'never enough' or criticizing yourself for not doing more. 

Now, go back and consider what would be "good enough" in this role. Can you cross out anything on this list? 

Consider what is minimal for you to do in this role and still have a clear conscience, avoid the feeling of failure, and feel peaceful with your performance. It doesn't have to be amazing and excellent. Where is your personal line between good and perfect? Can we dial it back a notch from perfect?

If you aren't sure where the line is between perfect and good - then consider what a "bad" evaluation of this role would be - a little better than that is where good enough is! 

This exercise comes easier to some of us than others. If you are a person who expects excellence always in all things, it will be hard for you to cross anything off your list. But challenge yourself to recognize what is necessary versus what might be your striving for perfection. Perfection is usually an indicator of shame. Explore that a little deeper and notice where you might be shaming yourself and then trying to make up for it by striving for perfection. My wish for all of us is to release shame and release striving for perfection. Both of these things steal our joy. 

This is important work to do because it helps you:

  • see how high (and often unreasonable) your expectations are for yourself

  • find your priorities and the roles that are most important to you

  • explore the areas of your life where good truly is good enough

  • start a conversation with yourself about why you set the bar high

  • evaluate if that high bar is harmful to your happiness

  • begin conversations with others about delegating or sharing tasks

  • free up time to do things you love and enjoy

I have heard from people that this exercise helped them see why they were resentful, angry, and bitter. I've heard that they realized they were spending a lot of time on non-important things. I've heard that they saw a pattern of self-harm in expecting themselves to be so many things to so many people. This tool helps to see where you might delegate or outsource. It helps to see where your hours and energy go.

Life is precious and fast - a "good enough" mode of living can free up energy to enjoy your life. There is a time and place for excellence, let's just make sure we place it on what matters most to us.

A wise client told me, that after spending time with her lists, she realized she could cross everything off and write "be kind" under each role and that would be good enough. Brilliant!

Now go do something fun with the time you free up!

Sending love to you,
Ginger