And

Sometimes when I’m working with a client who is having conflict with a family member, they will interrupt their criticism of that person with, “I shouldn’t be saying this, I really love her” or “he is a really good person” - they feel a need to soften their criticism with a disclaimer. My response is often, let’s play with the word “and” here:

I understand that your relationship is stressful right now AND you really love her.

I hear that he is an intense father AND he is a really great person.

Two things can be true at the same time. We are all complicated human beings. I think we need to make more room for AND in our lives.

We can love people and be frustrated with them.

We can have great memories of someone who has died and horrible memories of that same person.

We can be having the time of our lives in college and miss home too.

We can feel that our soul is happy in the mountains and on the beach.

You can love the person you are dating and miss things about your ex.

It is important to make room for all of our feelings, opinions, interests, and people.

You can be rooted in one religion and explore the teachings of other religions.

You can agree with something in one political party and something in another party.

You can have one career and then go back to school to become something else.

Our world might be a lot more loving if we all gave each other permission to be curious, change our minds, and explore new options.

Pause for a few minutes now and play with these fill-in-the-blanks:

I am ___________ and ____________

I can do ____________ and ______________

I believe _____________ and _____________

I want to _____________ and _____________

Was that easy or hard to fill in those blanks?

Some people might discover they have some rigid thinking in their brain that sounded like an adult saying, “you have to pick one lane and stay in it.” Or you might hear your inner critic say, “you can’t do/be/believe/want both of those things..” You might have grown up in a faith that said there is only one truth and everyone else is wrong. See if you can help your brain live into a little more nuance this week. As I see division in so much of our country, I think the word AND might bring a little more compassion into our conversations.

You can be strong and kind. You can be smart and silly. You can be confident and likable. You can be successful and humble. You can be wealthy and generous. You can be one thing today and something else tomorrow.

Be all the things. Feel all the things. Explore all the things.

You are loved and appreciated,