In Bumpy Times
/Were the last two months bumpy months for you? August and September have been rough ones for many people. Some of the things I’ve heard are: illnesses, new diagnoses, death of loved ones, things going wrong, jobs lost, disappointments, setbacks, hurt feelings, sadness, stress of back to school, newly empty nests, misunderstandings, relationships dissolving, and loss of pets. If these past six weeks have been bumpy in your world, you are not alone.
When we encounter bumpy times (and we all do - part of being human means that we cycle in and out of happy and hard times), it can be helpful to find ways to soothe our pain.
As babies, we have an innate awareness of what will make us feel better.
We cry out for someone to hold us. We reach for a pacifier. We rub the corner of a special blanket. We hug a sacred stuffed animal tightly. We know how to find comfort.
As adults, we struggle with helping ourselves feel better—or worse, we skip it altogether. Unfortunately, our society doesn’t teach coping mechanisms well; we tend to rely on quick fixes to avoid suffering. We rush to ignore our problems, medicate them away, or pretend they don’t exist in our desperate attempts to solve them. We are simply not comfortable with being uncomfortable.
But there are ways to sit with and face our problems without increasing our suffering, and that’s where self-soothing comes in. Just like when we were babies, self-soothing gives us a much-needed dose of comfort when we are upset.
We can learn to self-soothe in a healthy way; it just takes some practice.
It means being intentional about naming what brings you comfort in healthy ways. And even though you’re soothing yourself, it’s a practice that serves your loved ones, too: when you soothe yourself first, you’re giving yourself the chance to be your best self for others.
It is so important to show ourselves compassion. There will be hard days, days that will try you, situations that will trigger you.
Be gentle with yourself.
The next time you feel anxious or some other negative emotion, pause and ask yourself: “what would help me feel a little better right now?” Find what soothes you. When you do that, not only are you showing yourself kindness, you naturally become kinder to everyone around you.
Try These
Make a list of things you can easily do at home to soothe yourself. Keep this list close for the next time you could use some comfort. Here are some examples:
Sit in the sun.
Wrap up in a favorite blanket.
Drink a warm soothing beverage.
Flip through vacation photos.
Play with a pet.
Go for a walk.
Listen to nature sounds.
Watch the flame of a candle or fireplace.
Listen to your favorite song.
Watch a favorite TV show.
Take a hot bath or shower.
Look at the stars.
Put clean sheets on your bed.
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
2. Now consider what resources you can tap into that always make you feel better, no matter where you are, and add those to the list. Here are some resources to consider:
Websites you enjoy
Games you like to play
Songs that warm your heart
Friends to call or text or email
Mentors who provide perspective
Videos that make you laugh
3. Ask yourself: “what are some things I can remember to tell myself that will help me feel better?” Add those to the list and refer to them when you could use some comfort. Here are some suggestions:
• “It is okay to be sad.”
• “This is only temporary.”
• “I am not alone.”
• “I am learning to trust myself.”
• “I am loving, lovable, and loved.”
• “There is no right way to feel.”
• “I am doing the best I can.”
• “I will take this one day at a time.”
• “I can and will do this.”
• “I am okay in this moment.”
• “I am stronger than I think I am.”
• “This is a hard time.”
• “I have permission to feel disappointed.”
Sending love to you as we bump through life together,
