Good Enough
/Is there a voice in your head that says things like this?
You aren't doing enough.
You aren't giving enough.
You aren't good enough for them.
I have that annoying roommate in my head too.
Sometimes we have to pause and ask: What is enough? Can you define good enough? For whom? Good enough for what? Who decides if I am enough?
We get to decide our definitions of "good enough." Each of us has a unique perspective on what enough means. It is important for you to know what that means for you personally. That allows us to better make decisions, set boundaries, speak up for ourselves, and live with less resentment and regret in the long term.
We like external validation that we are enough, but if we wait to be told that, we might miss out on living a full vibrant life right now. We each get to define good enough and then we can feel at peace with our efforts even when people aren't pleased with us.
It is a universal human struggle to feel like we are doing, giving, and being enough. Some of us chase that feeling with over-performing and striving for perfection. Some of us feel defeated and turn to addictive coping mechanisms. Either way, it ends in self-destruction. This practice can help us avoid that. Take the time to do this one, my clients and I have found that it is really important to find a sense of contentment, balance, and peace.
Good Enough?
When you find yourself wondering if you are giving enough, doing enough, or good enough, pause and take a moment to consider what "enough" means.
Use this three step process and the prompts below to help get you started. Then return to this mindful practice often to liberate yourself from feeling "not good enough."
1. Think about one of these categories in your life:
Spouse or Partner Relationship
Children You Care For
Extended Family Relationships
Friends and Social Relationships
Career/School/Volunteering
Personal Health
Home/Car/Possessions
Community Involvement
Financial Status
Fun and Enjoyment
Holiday Events
Travel and Adventure
2. For that specific area of your life, determine your definition of "good enough" using the applicable questions below.
How important to me is this aspect of my life right now?
What are my personal goals?
How do I want to be perceived?
What am I capable of doing or being?
How much effort am I willing to make?
What expectations of others do I need to consider?
What is my level of devotion to other people?
What will I regret not doing in this area of my life?
What is necessary to avoid criticizing myself later?
What other priorities do I need to keep in balance with this area?
What would perfection look like?
What would failure look like?
Am I maintaining reasonable expectations of myself?
3. After considering this area of your life, complete these phrases:
I know I have done enough when...
I know I am giving enough when...
I know I have enough when...
I am enough because I...
If someone is disappointed in me, I will remind myself that I...
I met my standards for good enough and I am not responsible for ______ being pleased with me.
Now that I know I am enough, I will...
Feeling "not good enough" drives our motives, choices, and approaches to life. It can consume our existence and steal our joy if we let it.
Finding approval within yourself instead of outside yourself is one of the greatest tools to practice. It requires daily attention and intention, but in a short time, it can become your default setting in life. When you have clarity of how you define "enough" you are less reliant on the approval of others. Freedom and peace are yours.
What would life be like if you felt good enough and stopped striving for perfection? How would you feel? What would you do?
We spend a lot of energy feeling "not enough" what will you put that energy toward now that you know you are enough?
Seeing someone through eyes of love and compassion is always good enough.
You already are enough.
Sending you a big hug,
