Scaring Myself?
/When times are scary, it helps to be mindful about not amplifying our inner sense of fear. The volume of the news is loud enough, don’t turn it up more inside your head.
The news scares us, reality scares us, but we have to stop our imaginations from scaring us too.
In scary times, we still have the power to guide our imaginations where we want them to go. There are a lot of tools for this in my book Being Human: 150 Practices to Make it Easier. These might be timely practices for right now, but for today’s email, I just want us to tune into realizing that you might be scaring yourself more than necessary.
Amping up your fear can become a form of self-torture. Why do we want to make things worse for ourselves than they already are?
A question that helps me stop the worry tapes that loop in my brain is: Why am I scaring myself?
We scare ourselves with:
News stories that might affect us
A pain in our body
No response to a message
A bad day in the stock market
Assuming everyone is thinking critically of us
Wondering if our kids are okay
Replaying something someone said
If I care at all about my wellbeing, wouldn’t I want to comfort myself in scary times instead of scaring myself even more?
We soothe the fears of our children, but we scare ourselves.
When a child is afraid, we assure them they will be okay, we remind them we are here with them, we scoop them up into our arms, we vow to protect them, and we find things that distract or bring them comfort. I’ll speak for myself here, but when I’m afraid, I think about all of the ways I’m in danger, I take on responsibility for the safety of everyone I love, I doomscroll under the guise of needing more information, I assume the worst is happening, and I think through how awful the future is going to be given the events unfolding.
I scare myself.
The neuroscience of this is that we feel like we will be safer if we think it through, prepare for the worst, or begin to strategize a plan for all of the what-ifs. However, the best gift you can give yourself is to instead, put your hand on your heart, acknowledge this is a frightening time, and then ask yourself what would bring a little ease to you right now.
When times are complicated, and it seems like they almost always are lately, I have to remember that in my years on this planet, I get to decide how I spend my days. Do I want to live in fear or calm? I think of it as, “I have a choice here, I can bring more fear to myself or I can bring calm to myself, which am I choosing right now?”
So what can we do to do less scaring of ourselves and more calming ourselves:
Limit your inputs - limit news to one time per day, unfollow accounts who sensationalize or fear monger, if you’ve heard the report/story once stop yourself from listening to it again and again - more news, more alarm.
Tune into your senses - stay present and notice what is right here right now in front of me: what do I see, what do I hear, what can I touch, what can I smell, what can I taste?
Prayer - If you are the praying type, I found this beautiful description of prayer from Christian Mystic Saint Therese of Lisieux, “With me, prayer is an uplifting of the heart, a glance toward heaven, a cry of gratitude and love uttered equally in sorrow and in joy. In a word, it is something noble, supernatural, that expands my soul and unites it to God.” If you are in KC and interested in learning more about Therese, join me this Thursday morning to spend a morning with her teachings.
Mental safety - what makes your brain and nervous system feel safe? Do more of that. Sit outside and listen to the birds. Have lunch with someone you love. Watch a show that makes you laugh. Read something that gives you hope. Bake, paint, sketch, or create music that makes the world a more yummy and beautiful place to be.
Live life - don’t miss the fun stuff while worrying about the scary stuff - get out there and live it up - find awe, seek pleasure, go for your dreams, love bigger.
Sending you peace and love,
