W.A.I.T.

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As my family watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation this year, I noticed how much extra information Cousin Eddie shares that just isn't necessary! Cringeworthy oversharing. Advice for Eddie - talk less, listen more. We all have a little Cousin Eddie in us sometimes. We fill the awkward air with talking.

Another thing I have noticed in this holiday togetherness with my family is that my kids seem to enjoy me more when I'm listening to them! When I bite my tongue and avoid offering my solutions, opinions, and ideas they seem much happier. I have been experimenting with listening more and talking less. My tongue is bleeding, but it works!! They seem to enjoy my presence if I'm not trying to solve their problems or tell them how to live their lives. Peace is possible!

Every human being wants to feel seen, heard, and loved.

When we offer our wisdom, it might feel like we aren't listening or understanding someone else's experience. When we interrupt someone, it might feel to them like we don't care. Or when we share what we think they should do, it might feel like we don't trust them to figure it out for themselves.

This acronym can help us in all of our relationships. Here is a fun fact: people love you when you listen to them. And, they feel loved, respected, trusted, and valued too. That is a win-win - you are loved and you are making someone else feel loved.

W.A.I.T.

Why
Am
I
Talking?

This is a great question to silently ask yourself when you are in a conversation with someone you love. This practice will help you remember to chose your words and timing wisely.

Here are some followup questions to also silently consider:

  • Am I paying attention to what they are saying?

  • Is it my turn to talk or can I listen a little longer?

  • Is this the time to ask a question to show my interest?

  • Are they feeling understood by me?

  • Am I trying to control this situation?

  • Did they ask for my advice or opinion?

  • Am I being overly helpful here?

You build trust with someone by listening so that they feel heard, seen, understood, and loved. So when you get the urge to jump in, ask yourself "why am I talking?"

I am an advocate of sharing how you feel, but if you have a relationship that is struggling, you might want to try talking less and listening more. Especially if you have teenagers!

I am coaching more and more people in their teens and twenties. It is hard to be that age right now. High school, college, and first careers were already hard enough...now add isolation, strained relationships, and extra uncertainty on top of that. They need their families to be a safe place to land, not an additional source of critique...most of them are harshly critiquing themselves already. They need their family to listen, love, and be on their team. It is hard to be a parent. Here's our deal - I'll help your kids learn to see their worthiness and you remind them that you are on their team too. I'm with you in this!

With love,