The S.O.S. Flip Tool

I have noticed a theme of fear coming up a lot lately in my conversations with people. I don't know if it is because we are coming off of a pandemic-made-us-face-loss-and-mortality season or if we are all becoming more conscious of our fears and more willing to talk about them out loud. It could be both. I have shared this tool a few times recently in my conversations and want to share it with you too.

This tool helps me when I am nervous, anxious, or worried about something. I call it the "SOS Flip," but feel free to choose different words and make it your own. The SOS acronym is from the first letter of the first three steps, and Flip is the final step.

See it
Own it
Say it
Flip it

When I notice fear coming up and that my thoughts getting anxious, I chant these four prompts in my brain. Before I teach you how to use it, I want you to remember that your brain is always on high alert for things that may hurt you. The amygdala's whole job is to keep you safe. Think of it like a security system for your life, rather than your home. Fear will always be part of our lives. It helps us survive.

However, sometimes fear stops us from believing in ourselves and trusting ourselves to move forward. That is the kind of fear that applies to this tool. My clients are really good at coming up with worst-case scenarios of all that might happen and I encourage them to balance those fears by telling me out loud what is the best thing that might happen. This tool helps when I'm not around and they can learn to coach themselves through that feeling of being paralyzed by fear.

See it - the first step is to visualize the thing you fear - - watch the worst-case scenario like it is a movie playing right in front of you - - go ahead and take yourself into the fearful scene.

Own it - as the observer of this scene, validate it by saying something like "yup, that is super scary, and it would be awful if that happened."

Say it - then name it very clearly by saying out loud to yourself, "I am terrified this bad thing is going to happen."

Flip it - what is the opposite of this scenario? Imagine that as powerfully as you imagined the worst-case scenario. It might be that something great is going to happen, it might be that you see yourself surviving it, or that a hero swoops in to save the day. Most times, we forget to imagine the opposite, best-case scenario.

Here is a personal application:
I started my career life in a large consulting firm then got an MBA and in those two chapters of life I gave a lot of presentations. After that, I taught grad students and undergrads as an adjunct professor at Xavier University. I was confident and good in front of crowds those first ten years out of college. Then, we moved to Kansas City and I spent five years as a stay-at-home mom while my kids were little. At age 40, I decided to go back for a Masters's in Theology and found that I had debilitating stage fright. I was terrified to speak in class. When it was my turn to give a presentation, my mouth would get so dry that my lips would get stuck on my teeth. In another email, I will say more about how I worked through that, but I wish I would have had a tool like this then. Here is how I would have used it before a presentation:

See it - My inner chatter: This is going to be a disaster, I am going to make a fool out of myself, everyone here is smarter than I am. I can see myself in front of the room completely unprepared and I pass out and they have to call an ambulance and forever I will be the one who fainted during her presentation and forever I will be mortified.

Own it - Yes, Ginger, that would be horrible indeed. That could happen.

Say it - "I am terrified of doing this. I am afraid of failing. I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of embarrassment."

Flip it - "That is a possibility. But it is also possible that it goes well, I am prepared and know my stuff. The professor likes my material. My classmates learn something new. And afterward, I feel proud of myself for getting up there and taking a risk."

Play with this tool and make it your own. The important thing is to recognize your fear, explore it a bit, and then remind yourself of the good things that could also happen. Our precious brains are keeping us safe, but sometimes they get overactive. Talk and coach yourself through those moments so they don't stop you from living into the beautiful potential you have ahead!

Sending you love,
Ginger