Oscillating
/In Bruce Feiler's New York Times article "The Stories that Bind Us," he refers to three types of family narratives:
The ascending family narrative: "Son, when we came to this country, we had nothing. Our family worked. We opened a store. Your grandfather went to high school. Your father went to college. And now you..."
The descending family narrative: "Sweetheart, we used to have it all. Then we lost everything."
The oscillating family narrative: "Dear, let me tell you, we've had ups and downs in our family. We built a family business. Your grandfather was a pillar of the community. Your mother was on the board of the hospital. But we also had setbacks. You had an uncle who was once arrested. We had a house burn down. Your father lost a job. But no matter what happened, we always stuck together as a family."
Dr. Marshall Duke (who we read about last week with the 20 questions exercise) says that children who grow up in a family that shares oscillating stories develop the most self-confidence and resilience because they identify as an "intergenerational self" which means they feel they belong to something bigger than themselves.
Think about the stories you hear and those you tell. The oscillating narratives are usually the ones we are most drawn to. They offer hope, remind us that we are all living a human experience of ups and downs, and connect us to stories larger than our own.
This week, think about the stories you have inside you. Who would benefit from hearing them? Start a running list of stories as they come to your mind over time. Then think about who needs to hear them.
Here are some prompts to help get you started:
I have stories about...
Who could benefit from hearing each story?
Is there anything I need to do or consider before I tell it?
How does sharing this story offer hope or help reduce someone else's suffering?
If you don't think you have stories to tell (you have many more stories than you think you do!), then consider these questions to help you get started:
What lessons have you learned the hard way?
What event changed your life for the better or worse?
What challenges have you faced?
What have you experienced that others also experience?
Who has influenced you and why?
Where do you start? Start with writing down one of your stories, see what lands on the page. If that feels uncomfortable, you can voice memo it into your phone. Or, tell it out loud while driving alone in a car, unrecorded, and see how it feels. Just begin by getting it out of your body and into the air. By telling it to no one first, you will begin to organize it in your mind and you will intuitively know what to do next.
Sharing stories helps people understand you better. It also helps others feel less alone. Telling your story, even if just to yourself, honors what you have experienced and helps heal you every time you tell it. Hearing our own stories in our own voices validates our experiences and reinforces what we value. These are all things that contribute to the profound power of telling our stories.
Listening to and telling stories is a way we share more compassion in our world. The more we share, the more we understand what it means to be human.
Sending you my love,
Ginger
P.S. We have had a powerful month of storytelling in the Compassion Fix Community online classroom. It is not ever too late to join. The sessions are recorded and available to you always. In June, we are exploring and expanding our faith stories and each constructing a sustainable personal faith. All faiths are invited and welcomed. This is a place you can ask those questions you have always wanted to ask. We have people of all faith stages and backgrounds in this group, and I will be drawing on my seminary education to help you find the resources you seek. It will be a great summer of learning and growing together!