Anticipation

I usually tout the importance of staying present in the moment - and I still believe it is one of the best cures for anxiety - however, this week I'm thinking a dose of looking forward might help us. 

Studies on the neurological impact of positive feelings of anticipation (thoughts about a future experience) show an increase in our ability to tolerate temporary pain and frustrations. 

One study, conducted by the Society for Neuroscience, showed that pathological gamblers had more self control over impulsive behaviors after they were presented with images of an upcoming vacation. Reminding them of the location and plans for vacation helped them shift out of instant gratification and into longer-term reward, even if it was delayed into the future. 

Some researchers in the science of happiness are finding that anticipation can be a very positive emotion and anticipation is necessary for happiness. 

Anticipation is an ingredient in the recipe for hope. The ability to look forward reminds us there is hope for things to improve in our lives. And right now, we are all holding on to the hope that things will get better soon. 

This practice is to help you think about what you are looking forward to in the months ahead. Enjoy leaving the present moment for a bit and exploring the future with these introspective prompts. 

How to Cultivate Anticipation 

Make a list of things you are looking forward to:

Now, go back through your list and add the feeling you will have when you are doing/experiencing each item you listed above. 

Think about your "can't wait" desires:

I can't wait to _________________ when this shelter-in-place time is over. 

I can't wait to go to ____________________.

I can't wait to see ____________________. 

I can't wait to eat ____________________. 

I can't wait to hug ____________________.

I can't wait to be _____________________.

Name three things you will do as soon as you can, that you are not able to do right now:

Now reflect on your answers to these prompts:

Do your responses help you recognize what you most value?
Do these things help you see what freedoms you most appreciate?
How does this exercise help you prioritize the ways in which you will spend your time once this crisis has lifted? 

Use these prompts to think about cultivating anticipation every day as a tool to help you look forward and foster hope. Consider having a conversation with your family about their responses to these same questions. 

Did any of you think, 'I am afraid to get excited because I don't want to be disappointed?' or "We don't know when this is going to end, so I can't look forward to anything yet."

If you had thoughts like these pass through that beautifully complicated brain of yours, then become aware of how you might have a tendency to steal joy from yourself. I notice I do this too. We want to get excited about activities in June, but we are afraid they will be cancelled. We imagine the disappointment will be too painful to bear. So, we avoid the excitement and steal from ourselves the joy of looking forward.

Remind that precious brain of yours that looking forward helps us feel better today, even though we have no guarantees on when we will be finished with this crisis. And if anticipation makes today better, then let's take the good feelings when we can get them. 

Helping yourself look forward is an act of self-compassion. The reality is this is tough stuff, but we can give ourselves hope in the middle of tough stuff. Allow yourself to anticipate that the days will get brighter.

Thinking about brighter days, and looking forward to them, is what feeds our souls. 

There is a line in The Talented Mr. Ripley written by Patricia Highsmith that captures this sentiment.  "It occurred to him that his anticipation was more pleasant to him than the experiencing."

Give yourself the gift of anticipation this week.
And if that isn't compelling, how about considering this wisdom from Winnie the Pooh:

“What do you like doing best in the world, Pooh?"
"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best-" and then he had to stop and think.
Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do,
there was a moment just before you began to eat it
which was better than when you were,
but he didn't know what it was called.

Anticipation, that is what it is called.
And Pooh, you are right, the moment before is sometimes better. 

We can do this, you and me friends, one day at a time. 

Sending you love and peace,

P.S. here is a little dose of Carly Simon for you singing her song "Anticipation."
Once I titled this, I couldn't get this song out of my head! Now it is my gift to you to have it running through your head all day! 😘