Feeling Heard

"Children are meant to be seen and not heard."

Did you ever hear this growing up? It may have been a sentiment shared in earlier generations and trickled its way into your generation.

In 1450, a book of sermons written by English Clergyman John Mirk was published. In one of the sermons, Mirk's Old English word choice indicated that young women were meant to be seen and not heard. (Great church leadership, don't you think?!?! Ugh!) Anyway, this book of sermons was called "Mirk's Festial" and went as viral as something could in 1450. The line was used to quiet young women at the time and evolved into what our grandparents likely heard as the adage we know today.

Do you feel like you were quieted, dismissed, corrected, or "shhhhshed" when you were a child?

You were. We all were. None of us escape this. Being a kid likely means you hear a "shhhhh" or two. If you heard it a lot, you might have begun to feel like you lacked self-control, didn't matter, had nothing to contribute, or weren't valued by adults.

One of our greatest desires as human beings is to be seen, heard, understood, and loved.

Many of us carry wounds that we might not even be aware of from being unheard as children. Some of us continue to feel unheard by adults as adults.

Here is something we can do to bring a little peace to this situation:

Picture a time when you felt unheard as a child. See yourself in that setting. What was happening around you? What were you trying to say?

Watch that scene like you are watching a movie.

Now, speak to that character, the child who isn't being heard, tell them you are listening now. You want to hear what they have to say. You are a kind safe loving adult who is interested in hearing their ideas, opinions, and thoughts.

Allow your inner child to speak freely now.

It might have a lot to say. Let them get it all out. Give them permission to share it all.

Then thank them for sharing and validate what they said with phrases you would have loved to have heard at the time.

It is a powerful practice to become a loving adult for your inner child.

Picture 4 year old you. Smile at that child with compassion.
Picture yourself in your elementary school. Smile at that child with compassion.
Picture middle school you. Send a whole lot of compassion to that child.
Picture high school you. See that confused adolescent child with compassionate eyes now.

Those versions of you are still in you today waiting for validation. You have become who you are today because that child endured hard things. Reflect on that child and send them lots of love.

Beaming love to the child in you,
Ginger