Listening

/
 

One of our deepest desires as humans is to feel seen, heard, and understood.

Communication is the foundation of our human relationships. And, it is the thing often mentioned first when explaining why relationships sour. 

Listening well is an act of compassion, kindness, and love. 

It is also a superpower to making people like you. Everyone loves a good listener because everyone loves to be heard. 

If you want someone to trust you, be a good listener. If you want to grow closer to someone, be a good listener. If you want your kids to tell you more, be a good listener. If you want someone to love you, be a good listener. 

In our noisy world, it is more important than ever to be hone the skill of listening for deeper meaning. 

When we get better at listening to others, we improve our ability to listen to our souls and to the whispers of God. 

Listening

Many times we listen from a selfish standpoint - how does this apply to me, do I agree with what they are saying, what will I say next, am I in trouble, how can I impress them? We listen for cues to make the next right move, but not to make the other person feel heard and understood. Here are some things to practice for listening with compassion:

  • What is the person talking to me feeling right now?

  • What does this person need from me to feel understood?

  • What is the story beneath the story?

When you feel the urge to interrupt or comment, say to yourself wait...... wait...... wait...... like you are training a puppy to stay. In that time of pause, consider:

  • Am I interrupting because my ego wants to talk? If yes, then wait longer before talking.

  • Is my comment about me or them? If me, then wait longer before talking.

  • Was my advice/opinion/solution requested here? If no, then listen a little more.

When your mind begins to wander and you lose interest in what the person is saying to you, bring yourself back into the present moment with these tricks:

  • Picture the setting and context of what they are describing like you are watching a movie.

  • Look into their eyes and think of matching the tone of their story with thoughts of love, compassion, empathy, excitement, joy, sadness, ache, or peace. 

  • Replay their sentences in your mind like you are taking notes or transcribing exactly what they are saying. 

And remember the goal of compassionate listening is to make someone feel heard. Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do they feel seen by me?

  • Do they feel heard?

  • Do they feel understood?

If we all practice these listening techniques, our relationships deepen, the world opens wider than ever before with possibilities, and we all grow towards unity and oneness with our shared human experiences. 

If you feel stuck, it might be time to hone your listening skills. Learning from others is one of the best ways to start moving forward. In listening we hear new ways of thinking, gain inspiration, and find resources we didn’t know existed. 

When my mother would remind me to listen more than I spoke, she would say, “you already know what you know, listen to what someone else knows, then you will know even more.”

I have noticed that my ego sometimes tells me that I should tell what I know to impress others or make a connection to someone. But, truly, the deeper connection and positive impression is made when I listen to what someone else has to say.

Feeling heard leads to feeling loved. One of my daily goals is to "make people feel loved today," and one of the best ways I can accomplish that is to listen.

Sending you love,