Tough Stuff

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Four weeks ago, the phrase, "locked in your home for a month" would have sounded impossible.

Well, we did it! We are still doing it! 

We can do tough stuff. If nothing else, after this four week shelter-in-place experience, we should know that we can do what seems impossible. 

What is tough is different for all of us. Some of us are struggling with lack of social interaction, but some of us absolutely love that. Some of us are struggling with job loss, but some have jobs that are busier than ever. Some are worried about food for the week, and some have enough to live for a month. 

What is tough for you? Think about that question and honor your personal experience with this strange time humanity is experiencing. 

Here are some things to help you get through a tough time, now and in the days ahead.

How To Do Tough Stuff

1. Get Curious - ask yourself a few questions: Why is this tough for me? Do I expect things to never be tough in my life? How does thinking 'this is tough' make me feel? 

2. Remember Resistance to Tough Stuff is Normal - we all want to avoid tough stuff. Very few people wake up in the morning and say, 'I hope today is full of tough challenges that I can barely survive.' You don't want to have a tough day and neither do I. The fact that you find this time difficult doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you personally, it just means you are human and this is all new to all of us. Change is hard and when it is forced upon you, we resist. That is a normal reaction. 

3. Smile at Your Tantrums - sometimes when my kids were toddlers and they would throw a tantrum, I would start laughing. This would infuriate them even more. I couldn't help but to find humor in the ridiculous leg kicking, falling to the ground, tight fisted, furious little people in front of me. Sometimes we can see the child within us throwing a tantrum because we don't like the circumstances. Smiling at yourself when you get frustrated can help you remember that you are able to tolerate things you don't like. 

4. Notice the Tape are You Playing - are you playing an old tape that says, 'I don't deserve this, this isn't fair, I didn't ask for this.' That is an old victim wounded long ago that still lives inside of you. Be gentle with that past version of you. Give her/him some love and attention. Tell her/him that you see them and know their pain. After you acknowledge that old wound, promise yourself to move forward. Start a new tape that says, 'I can handle tough stuff, this is temporary, I'll get through it.' Play that new tape on repeat until your brain reprograms out of victim and into powerful you. 

5. Coach Yourself with Compassion  - speak to yourself in an encouraging and kind way. Give yourself hope. Imagine that your dearest friend was having a tough time, what would you say to encourage them? Say those same things to yourself. Remind yourself that you have done tough stuff before and you can do it again. You are more resilient than you think you are, be kind to yourself as you go. 

You can read more about the Inner Coaching practice and remember the C.O.C. practice is great for such a time as this too!

This is tough stuff, but every time we handle tough stuff, we build resilience. And every time we build resilience, we get stronger. Then the tough stuff gets a little easier. 

We are all in this together. As you show yourself greater compassion, you will show others greater compassion too. We could change the "I Can Do Tough Stuff" graphic to be a well-wishing practice for all of us collectively:

  • We can do tough stuff.

  • This is really tough for all of us right now.

  • We have done a lot of tough stuff in the past.

  • We are learning and growing from this experience.

  • We are actually doing better than we think we are.

  • We are doing what we thought would be impossible.

  • We are not as doomed as we thought we were.

  • We are stronger than we think we are.

  • This is tough, but so are we.

We can do this, you and me, one day at a time. 

Sending you love and peace,