Releasing Shame

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I was glad to hear from some of you that you noticed the power of saying your own name this week. It feels a little silly at first, but it is a powerful tool in our toolboxes. If you missed last week, you can read it here. The practice of using your own name as you encourage, coach, and honor yourself sends your brain a message that you are safe, loved, and cared for.

In the Compassion Fix Community this month, we are talking about releasing our inner shame stories. You can join those conversations at any time. Today, I wanted to share a tool with you to help uncover the shame stories that may be looping on repeat through your brain. Many of us aren't even aware of the shame we feel. We just know something is hurting inside us or we feel angry but we aren't sure why. That feeling might be caused by a shame story you haven't released yet.

I have noticed in my own life, I punish myself with a life sentence for something that happened decades ago. I apologized, I learned from it, I changed my way of behaving, I would never do it again, I think God has forgiven me...and yet, I continue to beat myself up for it.

You likely have something in your life that you continue to punish yourself for, though it is long in your past. Or maybe someone makes you feel shame for something by reminding you of it. Please remind yourself that you didn't know then what you know now. You did the best you could given what you knew at the time. Messing up means you are human. This is how we learn and grow.

Take a few minutes and explore this practice. It might help you become more aware of the shame stories that loop in your brain. Awareness is the first step to healing and releasing.

Say Your Own Name

Brene Brown is the most known researcher and author on the topic of shame. In her research, she found 12 categories in which people reported feeling shame. Take some time to consider each category and notice what comes to mind. Do you hear statements that start with "you..." within a category? If so, pause and notice what you hear.

  • Addiction

  • Aging

  • Appearance and Body Image

  • Being Stereotyped or Labeled

  • Family

  • Mental and Physical Health

  • Money and Work

  • Motherhood/Fatherhood

  • Parenting

  • Religion

  • Sex

  • Surviving Trauma

12 Categories of Shame listed inDaring Greatlyby Brene Brown

Now, go back and for each shame story you uncovered, and apply the C.O.C. self-compassion practice. To read the full practice, here is a link. But, if you just need a reminder of the acronym, it is:

Curious - what am I telling myself about this?
Others - other people feel this way too, this is part of being human.
Comfort - what could I do right now to bring comfort and hope to myself? 

Harvard self-compassion researcher, Christopher Germer, says, “A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.” 

If you want to dive into releasing your inner burdens and go into 2021 with less self-punishing inner chatter, then join us in the Compassion Fix Community this month. You can watch teachings and conversations live at 10 CST on Mondays and Fridays. Or watch the replays at your convenience. 

Please know that some shame is deep and trauma-related. There are therapists who are experts helping with deep shame that I know and trust. If you feel that your inner shame is something you would like to explore with a therapist, please email me and I will send you a few recommendations. Some of them work online and can see clients all over the world.

My wish for you is to stop punishing yourself and fully embrace living into your potential. Remember that your essence, the core of your being is love...not what you have done or was done to you. Your soul, which is pure love, is untouched by the past and is the truth of who you are. Let that inner voice of love be your guide. 

Sending you love,