Melancholy

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A few years ago, my family was visiting the Lincoln museum in Springfield, Illinois where I was struck by the quotes of Abraham Lincoln speaking openly about his struggles with melancholy.

Melancholy was a word used in the 1800's to define a lingering sadness. 

In Lincoln's many letters on display, he writes to encourage others who are suffering:

  • "Remember in the depth and even the agony of despondency, that very shortly you are to feel well again."

    • Written in a letter to encourage his best friend, Joshua Speed.

  • "A tendency to melancholy...let it be observed, is a misfortune, not a fault."

    • Written in a letter to Mary Speed, Joshua's sister, about her brother's case of melancholy.

  • "In this sad world of ours sorrow comes to all and it often comes with bitter agony. Perfect relief is not possible except with time. You cannot now believe that you will ever feel better. But this is not true. You are sure to be happy again. Knowing this, truly believing it will make you less miserable now. I have had enough experience to make this statement."

    • This was in a letter to Fanny McCullough upon the death of her young husband in battle in 1862.

My family has had a couple melancholy days this week. My children lost a mentor. Matt Gannon, their beloved 26 year-old, vibrant, and fun-loving history and geography teacher died suddenly this weekend. At ages 14 and 12, I have watched my son and daughter try to wrap their minds around how someone is so alive in the classroom and then gone. 

After we cried a lot, I asked them to tell me about some of their favorite times with Mr. Gannon. The tears paused and smiles came as they shared their fun memories with me.

When someone dies, they live in our stories.

So, we have been telling stories in our home about Mr. Gannon. They tell me about the random tennis ball on his desk, the CNN 10 videos he loved showing them, that he graduated from Mizzou and smiles every time he talks about it, the story he shared about attending law school and then deciding not to be an attorney because he knew he really wanted to be a teacher, how excited he was to go to the Teton mountains this month, and how my daughter would ask Mr. Gannon if my son was keeping up on his homework and Mr. Gannon would laugh at her "mothering her brother."

If you are grieving or have a loved one grieving, ask them for stories about the one they lost. Don't be afraid that you will make them sad by bringing it up. Instead, you gift them the opportunity to share the memories with you. Grief wants to talk, then be quiet, then talk again. Invite and allow all of that. 

Stories are how we connect with one another. Knowing Abraham Lincoln's story of melancholy made me love and admire him even more. I admired that he shared his struggles to encourage others and let them know that he truly understood their pain. In sharing his story, he helped others feel less alone. 

If you are feeling melancholy or in grief, handle yourself with care. Give yourself extra love. You have permission to proceed the way you need to. And, here is a colorful graphic to inspire some ways in which you might do that. Thanks to @crazyheadcomics for this piece of art. 

Care for yourself.
Ask yourself what you feel and what you need.
It is okay to be sad.
Allow the sadness and be kind to your broken heart. 

Here are some my favorite books on tough stuff:

If I can connect you to resources or just listen, please contact me. 

Sending you love,