The Four Agreements
/One of my favorite books on how to live authentically is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I recommend this short book often, so I wanted to share it with my email readers too.
Ruiz is from southern Mexico's Aztec and Toltec tradition. He grew up in poverty with 12 siblings, but despite challenges, became a neurosurgeon and practiced medicine in Tijuana.
After a near-fatal car accident, he had a deep desire to learn more about the "essential truth about life and humanity." His scientific training and then returning to southern Mexico to study the Toltec practice of philosophy and ancient Aztec wisdom.
In 1997, I discovered The Four Agreements and Ruiz was one of the first authors who introduced me to the profound power of our thinking and how it shapes our relationships and experiences.
You can read more about the book by clicking here, but I will give you a quick synopsis and a practice that I use with the Four Agreements as inspiration.
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
Think about The Four Agreements in your own life. The book is full of great wisdom, but you can also complete the introspective prompts below and make your own agreements for how you choose to live your precious life.
Your Four Agreements
1. My promise to myself regarding how I use words is: _______________________
(consider: truth telling, integrity in what you say, gossip, how you talk to yourself)
2. My promise to myself regarding how I react to what other people say or think of me is: _______________________
(consider: opinions of others about you, how you handle compliments and criticisms, the truth of who you are)
3. My promise to myself regarding assumptions is: _______________________
(consider: we make assumptions about what someone else is thinking, we assume people know what we are thinking, what happens when you don't understand something)
4. My promise to myself regarding doing my best is: ________________________
(consider: what "your best" means to you...know it will change from day to day and over time, what you say "yes" and "no" to, when you feel joy and love, what helps you be the best version of yourself)
You don't have to limit it to four agreements for yourself, make a list if you need to. Over time, you will boil it down to shorter phrases and easier things to remember. Here are a few of the many things I learned from Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements:
Recognizing the power of words. Using them to tell the truth only. And grandmotherly advice, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Nothing people say or do is about you - it is about them.
Stop being offended by other people - know yourself and your own truth.
Don't rely on external validation to measure my worthiness.
Jumping to conclusions and making assumptions gets me into trouble.
Stop trying to read other people's minds.
Replace assumptions with questions - get more curious and investigate instead of filling in the blanks myself.
Doing my best comes from an internal motivation to live into my potential.
Don't do my best to please others, but to feel confident in my own actions knowing I gave it my all.
Doing my best is a way of honoring God for creating me with so much potential.
If I love the work I am doing, I will be more motivated to perform to my highest abilities.
Be authentic always.
And I summarize this into:
Tell the truth.
Don't take it personally - shake it off.
Ask, don't assume.
Do your best and be authentic always.
I don't always live into these agreements with myself, but I keep this list where I can see it often and be reminded of my intentions.
We are all on a journey toward being the best versions of ourselves that we can be...and practicing a lot of compassion along the way. I'm on the road with you!
Sending you love,
