Self-Soothing

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As babies, we have an innate awareness of what we need to feel better. We cry out for a parent to hold us. We reach for a pacifier. We rub the corner or a special blanket. We hold tight to a sacred stuffed animal. We know how to find comfort. 

As adults on our planet right now, we could use a dose of comfort this week.

There are healthy ways to comfort our worries and unhealthy ways. I'm sure we have all taken part in both healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms over the last two weeks. 

In our society we don't teach coping mechanisms well. Instead, we are a quick-fix society and we are people who try to never suffer. We medicate quickly. We solve problems quickly. We want to be helpful and we run to assist our friends. We find solutions. 

We aren't used to feeling out of control. We don't like feeling helpless. But, right now we all find ourselves with very little that we can control. 

This week, I invite you to be intentional about naming what brings you comfort in a healthy and soothing way. We can learn to self-soothe, it just takes some practice. 

Self-Soothing 

What are things I can do easily at home to soothe myself?

What are the resources that always make me feel better?

What do I need to remember to tell myself: 

Name at least four things in each category and post the list where you will see it often. If you need some inspiration, here are some suggestions:

Things to do at home:

  • Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths

  • Sit in the sun

  • Wrap up in a blanket

  • Drink a warm beverage

  • Smell your favorite scents (coffee, soaps, flowers)

  • Flip through vacation photos 

  • Sit with a pet on your lap

  • Go for a walk (or a soul stroll)

  • Pay attention to sounds of nature

  • Watch the flame of a candle or fireplace 

  • Massage the top of your head and/or your feet

  • Listen to music of your favorite instrument

  • Write in a journal

  • Belly laugh (you can do this alone)

  • Dance around your home

  • Smile at yourself in the mirror for 1 minute

  • Take a hot bath or shower

  • Watch the sunset

  • Look at the stars

  • Put clean sheets on your bed

  • Name 26 things you are grateful for that start with A to Z

Resources to consider:

  • Websites I enjoy seeing

  • Apps that help me feel calm

  • Books that I love

  • Podcasts that make me laugh

  • Movies I get lost in

  • Songs that warm my heart

  • Youtube videos (babies laughing, kittens, puppies)

  • Friends to call or text or email

  • Mentors who provide perspective

  • TV shows that I grew up watching

  • Art that makes me feel happy to see

Things to tell yourself:

  • You are safe in this moment.

  • You are stronger than you think you are.

  • This is a hard time.

  • You have permission to be disappointed.

  • It is okay to be sad.

  • This is only temporary. 

  • You are not alone, we are in this together.

  • I've got your back.

  • I am learning to trust you.

  • You are loving, lovable, and loved. 

  • There is no right way to feel. 

  • You are doing the best you can.

  • Take it one day at a time. 

  • We can do this and we are doing this. 

These practices are not selfish, they are self-preserving.

Your family needs you to soothe yourself first so that you can be your best self when you are all together. This time in our history can bring out the best in us or the worst in us. With a little care and kindness, we can rise together. 

You have my permission and encouragement to pause to ask yourself, "what do I need to feel better right now?" 

In this crisis, it is time that we learn how to show ourselves compassion. These are hard days. We have never done this before. So, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself some kindness. And, when you do that, you naturally become kinder to everyone around you.

This too shall pass.
But, it will take months. 
Hang in there. 

Sending you love,