The Good List

It is so easy to criticize our:

spouses
children
parents
co-workers
friends
super bowl referees

But, we have to admit that there is a lot of good they do in our lives too.

We can unconsciously get into a habit of seeing the negative. Think about the people you live with - often we default to seeing what they do wrong - the dishes not put away, the towel on the floor, the projects unfinished, their annoying idiosyncrasies.

When I work with a teen who is frustrated with a parent or sibling, I listen to them describe the list of things that are going wrong. If it is appropriate and the client wants to soften their anger to heal this situation I ask, "what does he/she do well?" Inevitably, after some thinking, the client's face softens as they begin to share with me a list of wonderful things about this person. Sometimes we forget the good stuff.

We do this to ourselves too. You might be self-critical that you didn't get enough accomplished today. Maybe you replay the mistakes you made in your life. Perhaps when you talk with friends, you download all of the things that are horrible in your life to bond with them in misery. I do these things too. The to-do lists, regret lists, and scorecards can loop through our brains for eternity. Or we can change our thought patterns.

If any of this sounds familiar, this exercise is for you. Let's look at the good stuff!

The Good Stuff

At the end of the day, make a written or mental list of the things you accomplished today, rather than focusing on what didn't get accomplished.

When you think about all that is wrong in your life, pause and notice the things that are actually going well right now.

When a partner or spouse gets on your nerves, bring to mind your first months of dating and what you most liked about them.

When you look in the mirror and see all that is wrong, remind yourself there are a lot of really great things about you too.

As a student, when you beat yourself up for procrastinating, make a list of all the things you turned in on time this month.

When you are annoyed with a friend, look back over your entire friendship and consider the joy that they brought into your life.

When work seems mundane, make a list of the things you have accomplished in this role.

This can be more than a one-time practice, it can be a life-transforming daily reflection. Record your daily "good list" in a journal by your bedside. You will fall asleep thinking about all that is right instead of all that is wrong. It is similar to a gratitude practice, but this focuses more on the spirit of 'what did I get right today?' Research shows that celebrating your accomplishments results in higher levels of motivation than punishing yourself for a lack of accomplishment. Try it and see what you notice!

Wayne Dyer, a beloved author and spiritual teacher said:

Change the way you look at things,
and the things you look at change.

See the good. More good will come your way.

Sending you love and gratitude,