Expressing Disappointment

2020 has delivered many opportunities for disappointment.

Many of us are having what I call "roommate issues" with those we live with. Your roommates may be your children, spouses, friends, parents, grandparents, or out of town guests. We are living on top of each other for extended periods of time with everything canceled and little to look forward to. That can be a recipe for disaster for even the most compatible souls. 

Chances are you are facing disappointment and people you live with are disappointing you. Disappointment is inevitable in our relationships. Expressing our disappointment in a compassionate, caring, loving manner is a foundational skill in maintaining healthy relationships. It is important that both individuals feel seen, heard, and understood. Learning to express disappointment in a constructive way allows both people to feel loved. 

So let's practice expressing our feelings and get better at letting people know how we feel so that we avoid building up resentment and bitterness which can be toxic to our relationships. 

Expressing Disappointment

Expressing disappointment may cause you to feel fear of the person getting angry with you or abandoning you. Your feelings matter and if the relationship is important to you, it is worth finding the courage to express how you feel. You can begin your statement with something that helps the other person feel safe and less defensive. Then express your feelings and offer a solution of what you hope will happen next between the two of you.

Consider these prompts in finding phrases that help you express your disappointments. If these do not accurately address your circumstances, develop a few phrases on your own so that you can put them into practice and become more comfortable with sharing how you feel in a compassionate manner. 

"I feel disappointed and I need to tell you why..."

"I understand why you made the choice you made, but I feel disappointed and hope that next time you will consult me first."

"The way you were behaving made me feel disrespected and it hurt me deeply."

"What you did yesterday made me feel uncomfortable and I need you to understand why..."

"I can see how that situation was awkward for you, but I was disappointed in how you treated me."

"I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but can I explain why it hurts me when you do that?" 

"This probably isn't a big deal to you, but it is a big deal to me and I want to tell you why..."

"You may not have intended to disappoint me, but you did and it made me feel like I didn't matter to you."

"I'm struggling to understand what happened between us and I'm disappointed that we haven't talked about it since it happened."

"I love you and I am disappointed in what happened between us today, when is a good time for us to talk about it?"

"I was hoping that we could _______ and I'm disappointed that it doesn't seem important to you. Can we work on finding a compromise/solution?"

These phrases can be helpful in your homes, at work, with friends, and extended family. 

We all know that sometimes it makes sense to not share our disappointment. Research shows that relationships where people let some things slide, and yet voice concerns when feelings are hurt, have more sustainable relationships. You are the best judge of when to share things that you are feeling. When you are ready, select a time where you feel a high level of self-control, take a few deep breaths, and then thoughtfully share what you are feeling. 

Everyone deserve mutual respect. If you feel that your relationship lacks respect, then it is time to open the doors of communication. 

Express your disappointment with kindness, love, care, and a suggested solution.

You matter.

You deserve to be heard. 

Sending you love and peace,