Making a Decision

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We have been having deep and meaningful conversations in the Compassion Fix Community about how to trust yourself, what you value, and how we each go about making decisions. We would love to have you join us if you are looking for a place to explore and expand alongside smart, articulate, compassionate, and loving people. 

Yesterday we were discussing what we each consider when we are making a decision. Since we are all facing decisions around health and safety, the election, and holiday gathering plans, I thought it might benefit you to have this in your toolbox. 

The DECIDE tool is one I first heard in a bioethics seminar from the National Institutes of Health. It listed the steps as: Define the medical problem, Establish criteria for decision making, Consider alternatives, Identify the best alternative, Develop and implement a plan, then Evaluate and monitor. In the box below, you will find a more general approach to this tool that we can use in our daily lives. 

DECIDE

The average human makes approximately 35,000 decisions a day. That is 245,000 decisions a week and over 12 million decisions a year. No wonder we struggle to decide what to have for dinner, by the end of the day we are exhausted from making decisions.

Here is a tool to help you determine your individual process for decision making. Take some time to think about which elements of this model are most important to you. When you have a decision to make, run it through your process. This will bring you clarity and help you avoid the fear of making a decision. 

Define the Decision 

  • What is the true decision that must be made?

  • Is this a decision I can make on my own or with others?

  • Is this in my area of experience or could wise counsel assist me?

  • What is at stake in this decision? 

  • How long do I have to decide? 

Explore the Options 

  • What are all of my options?

  • Can I do nothing or decide not to decide?

  • What data, evidence, or advice do I need to collect?

  • What are my most trusted sources on this topic?

  • Who are the people that could help me brainstorm my options? 

  • Would delaying a decision help to provide more clarity? 

Consider the Outcomes

  • What are the best-case scenario and worst-case scenarios for each of my options?

  • Who is impacted by each option and how are they impacted?

  • What happens as a result of this decision/option?

  • What doesn't happen as a result of this decision/option? 

  • Which decision will bring the least regret? 

  • Does the planned outcome feel heavy in my body or light? Do I feel dread or peace? Do I feel fear or calm? 

  • Is this a decision where I need reassurance? Who is the best person to provide that for me? 

Identify Values, Intuition, Prayer, and God

  • Which option aligns most with my personal values?

  • What is my intuition or a deep sense of knowing telling me? 

  • In the past, where have I found the best guidance?

  • Could I write a letter to God asking for help and feel a response? 

  • What would be my prayer? Can I sit in silence and sense a response?

  • What would someone who loves me unconditionally suggest that I do?

Decide and Take Action

  • How will I know I am ready to make a decision?

  • Is there something I am afraid of in making this decision? 

  • Do I fear being wrong, rejected, abandoned, judged, or criticized?

  • Do I need a self-imposed deadline to make a final decision?

  • Is there truly a "right and wrong" or "bad and good" decision here? 

  • Can I give myself permission to feel good about my decision? 

  • What is the next right step for me?

Evaluate and Adjust

  • Do I feel peaceful?

  • Would it help to write down or capture why I made the decision I made?

  • What happens if I change my mind?

  • Is there a conversation that needs to occur regarding this decision?

  • Do I need to promise myself that I will not re-visit or ruminate on this decision?

  • Knowing what I know now, do I need to refine or adjust this decision?

  • What am I learning about myself or others in this decision process?

The cool thing about making decisions is that we get to decide what was a "good decision" and what wasn't. You get to rationalize, justify, and judge the decisions you make. So, be gentle with yourself. 

We make decisions based on what we know at the time. If you struggle to forgive yourself for past decisions, remember that you didn't know then what you know now. 

We learn from mistakes. Give yourself grace that you are having a human experience and growing every day. You aren't the same person you were then. You are the person you decide to be today. 

And my final thought on decisions....
If it isn't a "hell yes!!" then it is a "no." 

Sending you a big hug,