Mistakes
/How comfortable are you with making mistakes?
How about when other people make mistakes?
Most of us are not comfortable at all with making mistakes.
And we don't like it when others make mistakes either.
Since it is Final Four season, I thought you might appreciate a psychological study that considered the pressure of a basketball player making free-throws at home versus on the road.
Can you guess which is harder? The participants in the study felt more pressure taking a free-throw shot on their home court because they didn't want to disappoint the crowd of fans. Free-throws are high-pressure events. It is quiet, every point matters, and all eyes are on you. Then add the pressure of not wanting to disappoint local fans. The study also evaluated the pressure of offensive plays in the momentum of the game versus free-throws, if you would like to take a look, here is the data.
The point is, no one wants to make a mistake, especially a public mistake.
In the work you are doing to become a more compassionate human being, it is worth exploring how you feel about mistakes. Here are some questions to start your inquiry:
Are mistakes allowed in my life?
How do I feel in the moment I realize I have made a mistake?
What are my behaviors after making a mistake? (do I lie, blame, take responsibility, quickly correct, reflect, etc.)
Do I feel differently with small mistakes versus large mistakes? Private versus public?
What does it mean when I make a mistake - does it say something about me as a person?
When someone else makes a mistake - is it no big deal or a very big deal to me? How do I behave in that moment?
Do I expect perfection from myself and others?
Of course, we all try to avoid making mistakes.
But, what would happen if mistakes were allowed and celebrated in your life?
What have you learned from the mistakes you have made?
How did those mistakes uniquely prepare you for where you are today?
Here is an excerpt from an interview with Sara Blakely and Inc. Magazine. Sara is the founder of Spanx clothing and according to the magazine, is "the youngest self-made woman billionaire in the world."
[Sara] talks about how, as a child, her father would sit her down at the dining room table and ask her the same question:
"What did you fail at this week?"
He didn't want to know how many As she'd gotten. He wasn't interested in how many girl scout cookies she'd sold, how many goals she'd scored on her soccer team, or whether she'd gotten a perfect score on her math test.
No, he wanted to know what she had failed at. And when she told him, do you know what his reaction was?
He high-fived her.
Think about that for a minute: Every week growing up, her father made her reflect on something she'd failed at, then showed her that not only was she still loved after failing, but she was celebrated for it.
In an interview for Fortune, Blakely said, "I didn't realize at the time how much this advice would define not only my future, but my definition of failure. I have realized as an entrepreneur that so many people don't pursue their idea because they were scared or afraid of what could happen. My dad taught me that failing simply just leads you to the next great thing."
Speaking of that, Blakely herself failed the LSATs twice before founding Spanx. On that particular chapter of her life, she says, "It was one of many tests that showed me how some of the biggest failures in our lives just nudge us into another path."
Spend some time this week considering your philosophies around making mistakes. Explore how we each might loosen our grip on high expectations of ourselves and of others.
Here is an example of a simple self-compassion practice to say to yourself in the moment of a mistake:
"Ginger, you made a mistake. This is part of being human. Other people make mistakes too. Is there something you need to do to make it right? What have you learned from this? Good, now realize that you didn't know then what you know now. Press on."
Mistakes are how we learn and grow.
There is always wisdom on the other side.
Sending you love and peace,
