Crab Bucket
/
Legend has it that a bucket of live crabs never needs a lid because if one crab tries to escape, the others will pull him back down into the bucket.
I have never witnessed it myself, however, there are ongoing studies in human behavior that explore this same phenomenon among humans.
Among humans, the crab mentality might sound like this:
If I can't get out, neither can you.
If I fail, I like it when you fail.
If I am miserable, I want you to be miserable too.
If I can't be happy, you shouldn't be happy.
In our lives it can show up in various scenarios, here are some I have heard from clients over the years:
I made the team, but my friends didn't and then they posted horrible things on social media about me.
My siblings want me to hate our mom as much as they do.
I love it when a friend gains weight and I'm not the largest in the room.
I wish she would have something bad happen to her so she knows what it feels like.
I hope he cheats on her just like he did with me.
Crab bucket mentality does not bring out the best in us. But it is part of being human. Sometimes we are the crab stuck in the bottom of the bucket and sometimes we are the crab having success.
Think about a time when you have been a crab in the bottom of the bucket and you see another crab jump happily back into the ocean enjoying freedom. You are stuck and they are happy. We have all had moments like this in our human experience. It is hard to be happy for someone when they are getting what you want. It is natural to feel some angst when this happens.
Also, you have likely been the happy crab and wondered why others are pulling you down. We see behaviors of jealousy, snarky comments, and sabotage in these situations. You may have been the victim of crab bucket mentality when you were trying to move forward and someone kept trying to sabotage you or pull you back down.
Give this some thought and begin to notice where you see this phenomenon in your own life. You may begin to see it in friend groups, families, organizations, and institutions.
The antidote is to climb out of the bucket and then reach back and pull the others out too. Lead the way, but don't abandon the others.
If you are a victim of being pulled back down, communicate that you aren't leaving them behind, you want success for them as well. Partner with them and maybe together you can move forward.
The undercurrent of this phenomenon is our primal longing to not be abandoned. When someone else is making progress and we feel stuck, it can bring up feelings of abandonment. Acknowledging that you feel this way is the first step in releasing this pain. Then, work to develop a plan for yourself to grow and move forward.
Let's all move forward together and help each other out.
Sending you my love,
