Resilience
/We are all learning more about resilience in this current way of living. Some of us came into this crisis more resilient than others, but resilience can be learned and we can start today. The practice below will help your brain grow in resilience.
You likely have your own definition of resilience from life experience.
The Google definition is:
the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
What I have found very interesting in self-compassion research conducted at University of Texas, Austin and Harvard is that compassion is a necessary quality for those who measure high in levels of resilience. When we see our current adversity as part of a human experience and when we recognize that others have felt the way we feel (and survived) then it gives us hope that we too can survive this hardship.
The study of neuroplasticity shows us that the brain can be wired and then re-wired by the thoughts we repeat over time. This area of neuroscience proves that we are capable of learning resilience. If you did not experience a lot of adversity in childhood, you may not have learned how to build resilience. But, in adulthood, you can certainly learn new healthy coping strategies and make choices which help your brain have more thoughts of hope.
According to Linda Graham, in her book Resilience: Powerful Practices for Bouncing Back from Disappointment, she offers, "learn to manage surges of negative emotions and intentionally cultivate positive ones, such as kindness, gratitude, generosity, delight, and awe. Positive emotions shift the brain out of the contraction and reactivity of the negativity bias, into the receptivity and openness that increase your response flexibility. The direct measurable outcome of these practices is resilience."
Try this practice I learned from Linda and see if you can notice building your sense of resilience in the week ahead.
Becoming More Resilient
Linda Graham calls this practice, "Taking In the Good."
Pause for a moment and notice any experience of kindness, gratitude, or awe that you have experienced today or remember from the past.
Attune to the felt sense of the goodness of this moment - a warmth in your body, a lightness in your heart, a little recognition of "Wow, this is terrific!"
Focus your awareness on this felt sense of goodness for 10-30 seconds. Savor it slowly, allowing your brain the time it needs to really register the experience and store it in long-term memory.
Set the intention to evoke this memory five more times today. This repeats the neural firing in your brain, recording the memory so you can recollect it later, making it a resource for your own sense of emotional well-being, and thus strengthening the inner secure base of resilience.
As you experience and re-experience the moment, register that not only are you doing this, you are learning how to do this. You are becoming competent at creating new neural circuitry for resilience.
Another simple self-talk exercise to build resilience that I find myself doing a lot these days is this:
"Being in this shelter-in-place time is hard for me. I am sad for the many things we are losing/missing/grieving. I'm not the only one struggling with this. People around the world are feeling what I am feeling. I think I need to go on a walk and then call a friend."
This captures the elements of self-compassion which are: mindful awareness to what you are feeling, recognizing this is a shared human experience, and then offering yourself comfort and kindness. When we are treating ourselves this way, we are much more compassionate toward those in our homes and community.
Resilience is a combination of mindset, vulnerability, compassion, and hope. Mindset to be aware of how we are feeling and what we are thinking. Vulnerability to share our suffering with others and ask for help. Compassion in caring for ourselves and others. Hope in knowing the current pain is temporary and the future will bring the return of positive well being.
As Steven Pressfield said, "No industry is immune and no occupation is safe. All of us need to begin to think in terms of our own inner strengths, our resilience and resourcefulness, our capacity to adapt and to rely upon ourselves and our families." And I would add - so that we can better care for others who need our help in finding hope and building a sense of resilience.
Find the good and take it in, today and every day.
Sending you love and peace,
