Suffering

Suffering comes when we wish life was different than it is. 

We suffer when we fight against the ability to control something or someone. We resist accepting reality. Again and again. We wish it was different than it currently is. 

This virus has us all suffering. But, most of us are not really in pain. We are discomforted, interrupted, and out of sorts. We don't like what is happening. We don't like the limitations put upon us. But, we are healthy and privileged. So, why are we suffering? Because in our minds, we are miserable. That is the story we tell ourselves.  

Some of us live in chronic pain. That pain is real. I don't want to diminish that reality. But often, as humans, we tend to use our gift of imagination to create more suffering for ourselves than necessary. We fuel the fire by complaining, reminding ourselves of discomfort, and wallowing in the discontent. Accepting reality is the fastest way out of suffering. 

Accepting reality does not mean that we like the situation or that we stop trying to change it. It just means we don't fight against seeing what is really happening. 

Self Compassion is a much better path to choose than suffering. It might sound like this:

Say to yourself, maybe with a hand on your heart, "Yes, this is a hard time. This is frustrating and limiting. However, you are not alone in this, and you are healthy. What do you need to feel a little better right now?" 

Talking to yourself in this way is better for your immune system, blood pressure, and psyche than going into despair and angst. 

We want to be in control. We are not in control. Rather than spin our wheels and go deeper into the mud, show yourself some compassion and lessen your suffering.

Here is a practice that might help all of us this week.

Suffering

Suffering comes from the story we put around our pain.
Our pain is real. Our suffering is optional. 

Here are some questions to consider in helping yourself out of a suffering mindset:

What is my true pain right now?

What is the story I associate with this pain? (How does it limit me? What do I think this pain means? What does it say about me? How do I think I am perceived by others? )

What am I telling myself about how long this pain will last?

Am I imagining this to be worse than it actually is for me? 

What would it take to alleviate my suffering? 

What do I need to do to make this better?

Author Haruki Murakami gave up the ownership of his jazz bar to become a writer. He began running to stay fit in his writing career. A year later, he ran solo from Athens to Marathon, Greece (the origin of the term marathon). He became an avid runner and published books on how running saved his mental state. He writes in What I Talk About When I Talk About Running:

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Say you’re running and you think, ‘Man, this hurts, I can’t take it anymore. The ‘hurt’ part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can stand anymore is up to the runner himself.” 

We can stand this quarantine. We can stand to slow down. We can stand discomfort for the safety of our fellow human beings. We just have to remind ourselves that the pain really isn't so bad.

Here is a reminder of the C.O.C. practice which helps you show yourself compassion like you would show someone else compassion. 

This too shall pass. 

Sending you love,