Listen Well

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One of our deepest desires as humans is to feel seen, heard, and understood. And it’s just as important to recognize those needs in others.

In our own quest to be known, we often forget to give others the space to do the same. We interrupt, or turn the conversation back toward ourselves, or we listen from a selfish standpoint: “how does this apply to me? Do I agree with what they’re saying? What will I say next? How can I impress them?” We listen for cues to make the next move, instead of making the other person feel seen, heard, and understood.

As a child, I was outgoing and talkative around others. My mother would gently remind me to practice listening more and speaking less, saying: “you already know what you know. Listen to what someone else has to say. Then, you’ll know even more.”

We can do that through the practice of not just listening, but listening well.

Listening well is an act of compassion, kindness, and love. Plus, being a good listener is an easy way to endear yourself to others.

Everyone loves a good listener because everyone loves to be heard.

Listening well isn’t always easy, though. If left unattended, our minds often begin to wander. When you feel yourself start to lose interest in what someone is saying, bring yourself back into the present moment with one of these tricks:

  • Picture the setting and context of what they’re describing to you like you’re watching a movie.

  • Look into their eyes and match the tone of their story with thoughts of love, compassion, excitement, joy, sadness, ache, or peace.

  • Replay their sentences in your mind like you’re taking notes or transcribing exactly what they’re saying.

In our noisy world, it’s more important than ever to hone the skill of listening for deeper meaning: our relationships deepen, the world opens wider than ever before with possibilities, and we all grow toward unity and oneness with our shared human experiences. And when we get better at listening to others, we also improve our ability to listen to our own souls. We end up seeing, hearing, and knowing ourselves better, too.

If you want someone to trust you, listen well. If you want to grow closer to someone, listen well. If you want your kids to tell you more, listen well. If you want to better give and receive love, listen well.

TRY THESE

1. Here are some questions to ask to practice listening well:

  • What is this person feeling right now?

  • What does this person need from me to feel understood?

  • What is the story beneath the story?

2. When you feel the urge to interrupt or comment, train your mind like you’re training a puppy to stay: “wait...wait...wait....” In that time of pause, consider:

  • Am I interrupting because my ego wants to talk? If yes, wait longer before talking.

  • Is my comment about me or them? If it’s about me, wait longer before talking.

  • Is my advice/opinion being requested? If not, listen a little longer.

We love people well when we listen well. And when we listen well, people love us for listening to them. That’s a win-win!

Let’s listen with love,