Developing Self-Trust
/I’ve noticed in myself and my clients that growing in self-trust and trusting others is a really hard part of being human. I love to bring you tools that help us make being human a little easier. So, I’ve been doing some research on trust.
Some of the research I found on trust defines trust as comprised of three parts - safety, belonging, and mattering. When we think about trusting our partners, bosses, leaders, coworkers, teammates, and friends, it helps to think of these three elements as necessary in trusting the other person.
We trust someone when we can honestly say things like:
I feel safe with you and feel that you would never intend to harm me.
I feel that we belong together and we both recognize this relationship as important.
I feel that I matter to you and believe you would consider my needs or feelings.
Think about the relationships in your life and explore this idea of trust based on feeling a sense of safety, belonging, and mattering. It might help to give language to what we are feeling when we struggle to trust someone.
When it comes to self-trust, these three elements can also help us explore trusting ourselves. Most of us are challenged to trust that we can make good decisions, learn something new, keep our promises, fulfill our goals, be successful in our careers, stick to a health plan, pick the right partner, raise children well, and so many other things that creep into our brain as doubts.
How do these statements feel to you?
I feel safe with myself and free from harsh inner criticism which can be a form of self-harm.
I feel like I belong in my body and am okay being alone with myself.
I feel that I matter to me and will give myself the same level of care I give to others.
It might be good to spend some time exploring if being intentional about these things would help you develop a greater sense of self-trust. And, like always, make these statements your own. Put them into your own words…
What would it take for you to feel like you are safe, belong, and matter to yourself?
We thrive in environments where: we feel safe, we know we belong, and we can see that we matter. Make sure it feels like that inside your own brain. If it doesn’t, explore the beliefs you have about yourself and what your thoughts are doing - they can always be adjusted and altered so that you can learn to trust yourself.
When we focus on developing self-trust, we can’t help but notice an increase in confidence, resilience, empowerment, and worthiness. And, with a solid level of self-trust, you don’t have to live afraid of trusting others - you’ve got your own back if they let you down!
Self-trust can be an antidote to anxious thinking - see if you can lessen your worries by using words similar to: “No matter what happens, I can figure it out.”
Trust yourself - you are more ready for your next step than you think you are.
We are in this together,
