Emotional Adjustments
/My grandmother, Lorraine, made countless meals for cowboys that were working on my grandparent’s cattle ranch in the Flint Hills of Kansas. I have many memories from my childhood of sitting at the end of her long galley kitchen watching her cook.
She was constantly adding a dash of something, giving it a taste, then adding a dash of something more. She would do this until it was “just right.” Her just-right was exactly right and everyone always raved about her food.
I often think about her when I’m cooking. She inspired me to cook by taste more than by recipes. I’m not as talented she was, but she gifted me with an important teaching of making tiny adjustments again and again until you have it where you want it to be.
Sometimes, I share this with coaching clients when we are talking about shifting our emotions by one notch to feel a little better. Trying to feel just a little better can be like adding a dash of something to a recipe.
A tiny shift can make a big difference.
When we feel stuck in an uncomfortable emotion, it is tempting to want to make a radical shift into happiness. That is too much and doesn’t feel authentic when forced. Instead, we can shift a tiny amount towards something
Think about a small shift that would help you feel a little lighter, softer, gentler, comforted, or makes it easier to carry the heaviness of being human.
It isn’t a radical change, just a little movement. Then from there you can keep adjusting over time until you get where you want to be.
Below are twenty common emotions that we all feel at some point. These are all normal to experience in the course of our days, but we don’t want to live there. Spending too much time in any of these emotions leads us to inner toxicity and has the potential to harm our relationships.
On the left are the emotions that bring us discomfort and each word after that represents a subtle shift towards feeling better inside. I have a running list of these in my office and it is now over two pages, but I wanted to give you twenty of these to start experimenting with this week.
Consider making one small shift and see what you notice.
Apathy → boredom → curiosity → interest → motivation
Anger → irritation → assertiveness → agency → relief
Anxiety → name specifics → make a plan → reassurance → steadier
Contempt → irritation → curiosity → respect → goodwill
Disappointment → acknowledgement → acceptance → new plan → contentment
Disgust → aversion → curiosity → discernment → calm distance
Embarrassment → self-soothing → humor → normalize → poise
Envy → acknowledge desire → inspiration → effort on your path → appreciation
Fear → caution → preparation → confidence → security
Frustration → irritation → care/concern → problem-solving → satisfaction
Grief → sorrow → comfort → meaning-making → bittersweet gratitude
Guilt → apology/repair → self-forgiveness → recommitment → integrity
Helplessness → choose one controllable → ask for help → small win → agency
Hopelessness → tiniest hope → micro-goal → momentum → purpose
Impatience → restlessness → focus on one step → progress → patience
Insecurity → self-awareness → self-support → skill-building → self-assurance
Irritation → tolerance → curiosity → understanding → ease
Jealousy → longing → inspiration → appreciation → generosity
Loneliness → yearning → one outreach → conversation → belonging
Regret → responsibility → lesson learned → repair → closure
Resentment → honest request → renegotiation → acceptance → ease
Sadness → neutral → comfort → connection → warm acceptance
Shame → acknowledgement → empathy (self/other) → acceptance → worthiness
Stress → pause/reset → prioritize 1 thing → focused time → manageable
Worry → naming specifics → plan with options → reassurance → calm
If this list doesn’t resonate with you, try just asking yourself a simple question:
What would make me feel just a little bit better right now?
Asking yourself that question shifts your brain into hope. Sometimes that is all you need to feel an emotional lift.
You are not a victim of your emotions, you can make adjustments to feel what you want to feel.
You are the chef of your life, so what do you want to create and how do you want it to taste?
Keep adjusting until you get where you want it to be. You deserve to feel your own version of “just right.”
Tasting life and making adjustments alongside you,
