Compassionate Pause
/We are experiencing very turbulent air in our country and it is a good time for all of us to take a compassionate pause.
I teach this practice at most of my speaking engagements. I have heard feedback that it has helped Emergency Department residents pause between trauma patients, teenagers stay calm in the midst of breakups, couples diffuse an argument they don’t want to have in front of children, and executives tap into calm while on the hot seat in stakeholder meetings.
The elements of this practice are simple and well researched:
1. Place your hand on your heart. Notice your heart beat, notice your breath in and out. Keep your hand there as you do steps two and three.
2. Say your own name and a statement of reassurance to yourself. (put it into your own words but here are a few examples: Ginger, you’re okay. Ginger, in this moment you are fine. Ginger, I am here with you.)
3. Then close your eyes for a moment to consider how you want to behave in the next moment and who you want to be. Consider the most careful next step. Tap into your most loving, wisest, calmest self. Decide your next move with the highest of intentions for the greater good.
That’s it. it takes about five seconds to take a compassionate pause and the impact can be profound.
Three steps to a powerful pivot.
A compassionate pause can help you make a profound pivot because it interrupts our reactive nature long enough to go inward and then choose to proceed with intention and thoughtful care.
The National Institutes of Health and Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkley have both published studies on the reduction of cortisol (stress hormone) and the increase of oxytocin (love hormone) when we place our hands on our own hearts.
Ethan Kross, a professor and director of the Emotion and Self-Control Laboratory at the University of Michigan, has done extensive studies on the power of using our own names when we talk to ourselves. He found that speaking to ourselves in the third person can lessen our anxious thinking and increase oxytocin levels.
Step three is customizable to your circumstances. It might be that you want to say something encouraging to yourself. It might be that you need to consider the impact of your next steps. It might be that you need to pause for clarity in making a decision. It might be that you want to show up as our best self in what you are about to say. Or, when you are grieving a loss and want to feel less alone in the world. You get to decide what step three should be, the key is to pause and tap into compassion for yourself and the other person.
The more we are pausing before we speak, flooding our systems with oxytocin, and carefully considering our next steps, the more loving the world can become.
I still trust that humanity is on an arc toward love. We each have a duty to contribute to our collective progress in getting there. Let’s begin this week by pivoting into the most loving version of ourselves as often as possible.
Practicing a pause with you,
