Mimetic Behaviors
/A few points here this week: human behavior, Olympic gold, and being you!
Rene Girard was a French-born historian who taught at Stanford University for over twenty years. He died in 2015 at age 91. He is known for developing “mimetic theory” which is the idea that human desire is fundamentally imitative. The word mimetic is derived from the Greek word mimos, which is where we get the term mime. He believed that we are naturally copy cats and we want things that other people want. As the theory goes, if people don’t want something, then I don’t want it either, but if people want something then suddenly I want that too.
Humans desire things because they see someone else desire it first.
He taught that humans tend to want what they see someone else wanting. We see this in so many trends in our society. Fashion, home decor, cars, careers, food, neighborhoods…we want what she’s having, we want to live like him, we want to be them.
This is the root of the influencer industry so prevalent in our society today. Someone young and beautiful appears happy with a product. She has many followers and they are all raving about her recommendations. Now thousands of us are desiring what they have and have to have it too. We just proved Girard’s theory! And, that influencer made a lot of money in commissions off of the mimetic part of us.
The problem with this type of mimetic behavior is that we lose touch with what we truly desire and value.
In copying others, we disconnect from our own tastes, wants, and likes. We become pawns in the marketing game and forget our unique longings. We lose touch with what we want so we do what everyone else wants - where to go to school, what to become, what to believe, who to vote for, what to look like, who to associate with, and even who to dislike. For some, it is easier to just do what everyone else is doing instead of listening to inner wisdom.
Our brains default to mimetic behavior because it feels safer.
We want to belong, we want to blend in, we want to be in the cool crowd. It feels safer to look like the crowd rather than stand out. The fear is: if I wear/do what I truly want to wear/do, I will look out of place, out dated, not cool, or be made fun of by my peers. So we conform to social trends. It’s not dangerous to do this with fashion trends, but it can become dangerous when we fall into group think or herd mentality that fuels harm for other humans. It is important that we are each aware of this tendency inside us so that we can override it when something feels out of alignment with our core values.
I’m writing about mimetic theory this week because I was reminded of it while watching Alysa Liu winning a gold medal in Milan last week.
Alysa doesn’t conform. She is the opposite of someone who exhibits mimetic behavior.
She left figure skating two years ago because she was burned out physically and mentally. Then returned to the sport on her own terms to skate with joy and freedom. She wears her hair the way she wants to, not the way judges or the skating world does. She skates with freedom and love, not robotic and rigid. She shares in interviews that she eats what she wants to, not adhering to a regimented diet. She glows with enthusiasm and fun, not taking anything too seriously.
She did her own thing on the ice and won gold.
Alysa is a lesson in authenticity and overcoming our tendency to be mimetic. She broke the mold and we are all loving it. Well some of us are loving it. What was your inner commentary when you first saw her hair. Did it bother you a bit? Did it feel a little out of character for an Olympic skater? Was it not what you were used to?
If you wanted her to look like everyone else, then you may have a heightened sense of mimetic behaviors. You feel better if everyone looks alike. Don’t judge yourself for that, just notice it. This is our work, stretching our brains out a little to expand our acceptance of others. That work makes us more compassionate humans.
Freedom and joy are found in authenticity, if we let ourselves be authentic.
Wouldn’t it be fun to live the way you wanted to? To shirk all expectations? To be uniquely fully you?
Here are some introspective questions to help us tune into our own desires, not the desires of others:
Am I pursuing this because I genuinely want it, or because someone I admire has it?
Who or what first made me aware that I wanted this item/thing?
Am I actually feeling desire…or anxiety about being left out or falling behind?
Whose voice am I hearing when I tell myself I should want this?
Would I still want this if no one else wanted it? And why?
What would I want my life to look like if I had never seen anyone else’s life?
What would I do with my time if status and income were identical across all choices?
When do I feel most like myself and what conditions produce that feeling?
What are my values? Do they align with the values of the groups I am currently in?
What does my news feed want me to believe? Is that where I want to be led?
What do my friends say/do that doesn’t sit right with me but I stay silent about it?
What do I believe to be true?
What feels right to me?
What do I want?
What do I like?
Let’s shed some of our mimetic tendencies and think for ourselves.
Tap into your soul, what does it want you to know?
Listen to your heart, what is the path of love?
Connect with your creativity, what would be fun to create?
If we are all being more of our true selves, we are on the path to gold.
Go be your quirky self,
