Love or Fear?

When I was in seminary, I was losing my faith in year two. That is part of the seminary experience, you learn a lot, question everything you’ve been taught, and then re-build your theology. As I was in the process of developing a faith of my own, I kept seeing the book A Course in Miracles referenced in various places. After a few times of this, I felt like it was a message from above and I should investigate further. I found it to be a dense, yet insightful, book of spiritual insights written in Christian language with daily practices to apply. What struck me first in this book, was the idea of everything we do comes from a place of love or fear. 

Love or fear?

It was in 2015 that I started wrestling with this idea. I began investigating my thoughts, actions, and behaviors through that lens. I realized that a lot of what I was doing was coming from a place of fear. Fear of failure, of not being liked, or not being smart, of inadequacies or insecurities, of being wrong, of being egotistical…lots and lots of fears. 

So I started a little experiment in my mind of pausing before I said or did something and shifting it from fear to love. (Love here means a deep desire for that person to thrive, seeing their inherent worthiness, and a lack of ego on my part. Easier said than done, but keep reading…)

What would I say from a place of love instead of fear? What would I do if I was intending to love this person rather than perform because I’m afraid they won’t like me? What would it look like to fill my brain with loving thoughts instead of fearful ones? How could this go if I didn’t have my own agenda to get what I want out of this moment? What if I didn’t try to control the outcome and instead just felt the worthiness of the person I’m talking to?

The book says anytime we shift from fear to love, a miracle occurs. This practice, to me, did feel like a tiny miraculous shift, I could feel a change in my being. Fear was beginning to be replaced by a feeling of peace. I began to feel more authentic in my connections with people as I released the fears that led to people-pleasing.

The miracle for me was also in realizing if it (what I say/do/think) comes from a place of love, it can’t be wrong. So I didn’t need to live in fear anymore. If everything I said and did came from a place of love, then I would never get it wrong. And getting it wrong in any context was one of my biggest fears. 

I started sharing this new found wisdom with my friends. Most thought it was a little odd at first. Then they would circle back and tell me they were still thinking about it. Most found it made more sense to them after applying it in their own lives for a few days. 

Asking yourself, “is what I’m about to do coming from a place of love or fear?” can be transformational. 

This is a practice that you really have to test out before it fully resonates. So give it a try. Sometimes it is hard to realize our motivations are fear-based. Most people find that they live in more fear than they realized. Our brains like to play it safe, so it makes sense that they default to a place of fear.

Work with your brain to shift it into love as the motivation for what you say and do instead of fear. When you feel more freedom from fear, I think you will be glad you tried it. 

When we live with loving others as our intention, rather than fear, the ripple effect changes the people around us - we all move toward more kindness. Humanity could use a big dose of that right now.

Love, love, and more love,