“Hell Yes” or “No”

A client came to me once who was overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. She had taken on too much and was at the breaking point. To top it all off, she’d been asked to cohost a party—at her house—with two other women whose personalities tended to be what she described as “bossy.” She felt pressured and obligated to say yes. 

That’s when I interrupted her: “This is a no.” She looked at me, taken aback by my directness. I told her about a really quick and effective trick you can use to help with decision making:

“If it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a no.” It’s as simple as that. 

When you’re already stretched thin and you get asked to do one more thing, remind yourself of your two options: hell yes, or no. What’s your gut tell you? Is it a “hell yes, I want to do that”? Great! Go for it. Is it anything less than that? Then stop right there: it’s a no. For your own health and well-being. 

I’ve met with a lot of clients with who have been stuck trying to make a decision.  “Should I be the school board president?” “Should I take a new job?” “Should I stay with my partner?” And to all of them, I ask: “Is it a hell yes?” That one question has a really sneaky way of bringing a whole lot of clarity. 

Here’s why: when we say a “yes” that’s not a whole “yes,” we’re likely to build resentment. Which leads us to do things like create unnecessary stress for ourselves, damage our relationships, lose sleep, harm our health—the list goes on and on. Which is why when we say “yes,” it needs to be a full-body “hell yes.”

There are often clues to help you determine if it’s a “hell yes.” You feel lit up at the prospect. You feel excited energy instead of dread energy. It feels aligned—it just feels right. You can feel it in your body; it’s the choice that brings with it no added sense of exhaustion. 

A lot of things in life are optional, and especially the things you volunteer to take on. What we feel like we have to do? Often, they truly aren’t have-to’s. 

This is why we often feel stuck, obligated or expected to do things. We forget that we have a choice. We get to decide. We get to say “hell yes.” We get to say “no.”

And sure—saying no might upset some people. If you’re worried about someone’s response, play it through in your head: “If I say yes to this, I’m going to live an angrier existence, which could affect those around me. But if I say no, they’re only going to be angry for a few seconds.” 

We have to learn to be okay with someone not liking our answer. Remember, just because someone doesn’t like our response doesn’t mean it was wrong. Ultimately, you’re trying to take care of yourself. 

Being mindful of your health and well-being? “Hell yes.”

Exhaustion and burnout? That’s a “no.”

We are heading into holiday hustle season, make sure you are only saying “yes” if it is a “hell yes, I can’t wait to do this!” That spirit leads you to true holiday joy.

I’m on this life journey with you,